Being versus Doing

I think the most important part of Motherhood is being attentively present to one's children. Someone very wise once told me it is also anticipating you children's needs (which can only be done when one is attentive, aware and available to each child). Having one child, this was natural, and a pure joy. Also, this child was like a mirror, reflecting and magnifying goodness, which is a reward in itself. Now having three children, two still toddlers, I find there is a constant pull to be busy "doing" while wanting to "be" with them. It is a temptation to want to do a task also to get a mental break from the constant chatter and need for one's attention. I love providing a peaceful, organized home, and tasty nutritious meals. I love rooms organized, bathrooms shiny, craft areas ordered, play areas tidy, and I love having fun activities for my kids to do each day, including nature time, and learning time. But unfortunately I am the ONE who does the shopping, managing, cleaning, organizing, planning, etc. and trying to do that while being attentively present to children is often mentally and physically exhausting. I am finding at this stage in life to do my vocation well I usually take my only free time and do the things which help create the environment for a family to thrive. This invisible death to self may be one of the hardest parts of motherhood. Yes, I could be reading a novel, or some of my kids' books that I haven't read, something fun. But the craft closet would be unusable, or the laundry would pile up and my kids would be on their own because I would be folding 8 loads of laundry (this is fine when they are a little bigger, but not with two toddlers). I find I need to sacrifice my little leisure and sometimes sleep for the sake of quality of life for our entire family. So when everyone is awake I can talk, sing, play and laugh, and do light chores, meals, shopping, and those things which allow me to talk and be with them. My kids don't like to be "put off" or ignored while Mommy does household chores, but like it or not, they are there to be done. They expect Mom to be available to them, as I have trained them to want to be heard, to expect to be smiled to, talked with, etc. Perhaps this is unrealistic, something only this last couple generations have added to their identity as mothers. But with extended family shrinking, the culture less than cohesive, I believe Mothers are more important than ever and being available to create the culture and "be there" for the children is more crucial than ever. By adding this I know I have "asked" for my job to be harder. But the best Mother's I have known did this, and I too want to be like them. I just never realized they were sacrificing so constantly their thoughts, their time, their energy to be present, and available. I marvel at the heroism of the Mother's I know who have many children, who are present to them with a peaceful, joyful attitude. They have learned how to cope with the ever constant tension that comes from love and motherhood: I want to be, but alas I must do. And also, I want to do, but alas, I am tired. I remind myself I will blink and they will be grown and I will ache for the days when they "needed" me this much. I pray to Our Lady of Good Counsel for myself and all the Moms I know (especially with little ones) to order our lives well and balance all things for the good of the children. Being present to them, like the laundry is repetitious, but unlike the laundry, is an investment that will reap unto eternity. It is a privilege to gaze at their smiling faces and twinkling eyes and to be able to do and be with and for them.