Third trimester

I haven't been in the third trimester very often. This is only the third time, and after four miscarriages and a challenging adoption, we count this little child number eight a special edition. We have four here, and four who we look forward to meeting someday. We never could have imagined the journey ahead when we were first married. This little one now is a child we dreamed about the past couple years, even when we were busy and content with the blessings of three children. We dreamed when our time was full, and we were too tired and frankly sometimes feeling a bit too old or too empty to even hope for another. But there that little face was, in our dreams, and so our hearts are open. We have so many friends of all ages blessed with children: tummy babies, and adopted ones. These are young parents and older whose lives are full because of openness and selflessness. These parents inspire us. So then we dreamed of this child and then found our children too hoped for and asked for a baby. We explained that wasn't likely at all, and tried to help protect them and despite this they prayed for one often. Now this dream has become a tangible reality we look forward to meeting soon! Such a gift!

It is good for us as a family to go through this again, to experience it again, because it isn't easy and that part we forgot. It is one thing to open your home, or give of your time, or open your heart to a person in caring and friendship. These are good things we make time for: hospitality, and friendship. We think we are generous or at least not completely selfish. But we are comfortable in our routines and with our obligations. Then when pregnancy comes and someone changes and challenges you from inside, it is to give in a different way. It really calls one to give of themselves interiorly and completely, starting with Mom (who is already in demand). We are knowing He is always calling us to be more, to love more, to know Him more. So we strive to teach our children to want to be more, much more than their parents are and they see. We strive to live our best, in our limited and feeble way. We know we want to be people who are focused on more than transitory things and more than just our own interests. We want to teach our kids to love others and give of themselves. We want to protect our kids from he pursuit of empty material goods, the world of selfishness, and the very disconnected detachment from others which occurs when one lives merely in the world of screen time.  So before we were pregnant we found many good lessons to live this and to teach these values.


Then came this new life, which has been one of the best lessons of all. With this has come to Mom the ever constant feeling of being stretched physically and emotionally. It's hard to put into words, yielding oneself to the process of growing a person. Whether it is fatigue, nausea, or just being uncomfortable and discontent, there has been a constant call to expand in so many ways day and night. The littlest persons don't just change your body, they change your thoughts and they change your heart too. It has made me turn inward, and be more introspective, and less ambitious toward tackling busy needs of three active little people. I find running a household, coordinating the needs of our home, and still trying to see friends or host people is now quite hard. I often say I understand why a pregnant animal will hide away. I am tempted myself rather often to want to hide away, to be more and do less. To contemplate more and speak less.  Few things bring out the awareness of being limited for me than pregnancy, and I just don't like having less to give. Less energy, less ability to do, especially in Ohio's summer heat, has been really hard. I honestly feel less capable and sometimes less like a good Mom, while ironically I am being more "Mom" than ever. Being present to the needs of the older ones in this busy season has made me tempted to think we are less prepared and even less anticipating this new baby. I feel too busy, always pulled in so many ways. I realized I haven't had time to sing to my belly, and write a letter of all my hopes for this child like I did with my others. Yet, in this family not only is Mom preparing, and waiting, but three children are busily waiting and in excited anticipation. We constantly aware that someone new is coming, and we are making room together in a messy real way. It's all about making room in one's heart for a footprint, that will stay forever. No matter how busy life is these past few months, that person is growing more real, and calling each of us to be there for him or her, especially Mom. Everything really wonderful, really lasting,  requires serious effort I am convinced of that.  This little life is so worth every bit of effort, or hardship from each of us. We are so very happy to be in the third trimester, waiting, stretching and anticipating.