Real Life

When we were dating, the biggest frustration I had was with people who were older, married, and cynical. Most had been married 10 years or more, and said things like, "Oh just you wait, you'll see." "Oh don't do it." "Marriage isn't all it's dreamed up to be." They were clearly unhappy with things in their life. They were missing any joy in living family life, and I was thinking I never wanted that to happen. Well, now after 10 years, these years where we have never gone 6 months without a grief, a death, a major disappointment, I am realizing perhaps this trend will continue as such is life. I do now more fully understand these Moms, and sometimes I find I even want to join in the chorus. I've had these weeks now where life seems extra hard, and there aren't enough tissues around or I am exasperated by two toddlers. My lovely children seem to never stop testing, and the amount of to do's really will never end...I understand wanting to tell others "this isn't what you think it will be." But then the joyful days, the beautiful smiles and snugs and hugs, the Mother Goose songs and sillyness are SO MUCH more wonderful then I dreamed either. Pouring yourself out for others is better than living only for oneself, but not easier. It's much better, harder, busier, fuller, and for me it's so real. It's joys and sorrows and everyday is adventure. Watching my family laugh, even when I don't feel like laughing, is like listening to a beautiful symphony or ballad, you don't want to end, and it echoes in your mind and heart. Life is sometimes hard, motherhood and marriage sometimes present situations which are very hard and still life is so good, even wonderful. Disappointments are opportunities to be cynical or to remind me to long for the place where there are no more disappointments, no more losses, and life will be even more real and all good. In the meantime I will scoop the little people into a ball of giggles and tickles until I forget my cares and be grateful for the privilege of loving and pouring myself out for my family.