Happiness as a Mom

A friend once gave me the equation: Satisfaction = Event -Expections. I love this, and I really think it's true. So many times, I am disappointed when I had hopes (expectations) that just don't correspond with "real life". Learning to roll with sickness, whining, sour people, misunderstandings, etc. and still have fun is an art, and I am often praying for grace to not let these things get to me. If they get to me, they get to everyone. Because if Mom is upset or stresses, it ripples out, and I don't want that. This equation has many times helped me get a perspective. One important area I can say this is "vacations". I prefer to call them trips. Vacations at the moment are staying home, having a sitter here, who the children love, and having a few hours to spend getting to know my husband or see a beautiful park, or read a novel. With children at this age, traveling hasn't been in any way a break. There is a ton of work to get ready, the kids are usually more demanding, and I get very little sleep. I dread the next flight, long car ride, or night at a hotel with both toddlers. (Despite the fact that I think my kids are very well behaved, they are just at a demanding age). I dislike this so much so I sometimes would like to eliminate travel altogether until they became at least three. But that's because so often I have expected travel to be a vacation (to resemble something like it did before children, or like with one child). Because of my little equation I can have more fun, call something difficult still a success, or at least not dread going altogether.

I really believe being a stay-at-home Mom is a great privilege, and I love my job. But recently getting through dear husband's discussions of where to live, and the daunting thought of moving us all over again, has left me especially tired. We can't live in this rental forever. We need to make some big decisions, and I am a nester. I don't like ripping up any nest, and trying to make a new one. So today, I think to help cope, I have found a new equation. Happiness/Joy= Events(Positive +Negative) x Meaning (Love).

I have found I can do the most mundane, exhausting things, like most Mom's do: cook all day in the kitchen, shop, mop, fold, scrub, in between the primary job of being present and available as a Mom, if I believe what I do is significant, valuable, and worthwhile. If I question these, (usually indirectly, from the media or someone who doesn't value Motherhood the same way) I not only lose my joy, I have less capacity to complete everything I want to do, and a lot more frustration. It's sometimes easy to fall into the rut, and there are days when I feel my life has been spent with nothing to show for it. My days lately have been teaching two toddlers how to dress, speak with please and thank you's, and not whine, and the most difficult: potty training. I find this exhausting and unrewarding for the most part (probably because it took years with the oldest, and doing double duty with two feels a bit daunting if I think it will take that long). But this week we have had five days of Leesie going on the potty successfully, and I have watched her filled with joy at her understanding and her own accomplishment. In turn, this task has become much more fun. Tonight, I reluctantly curled up with Joseph for quiet time before he fell asleep. I was exhausted, and still there was so much to do before I could really rest. But I lay down with him, and he said something which gave me all the meaning I need this week. "Mom, I really feel sorry for butterflies, you know they never get to know their Mother." With that he gave me a big hug and nestled in close. I was filled with great happiness, and somehow the fatigue melted away. The day can come or go as it may, but when there is meaning, when life is lived with love for others, there is happiness.