Life is Beautiful

Welcome to the sheepfold, Elena

2012-02-12T14:00:00.000-05:00

We baptized Elena on February 11 in a quiet, simple but beautiful Baptism. She was joyful and happy, ready to dive into the font like she does the bath. It was a joy to claim her for God and watch the water and grace pour down on her. One day she will be old enough to proclaim her faith herself, but for today we do it for her. Today she holds a beautiful white soul like her little garment and this mustard seed of faith will grow just as she does. Father B. was a gift explaining to our children how the early Christians did this as a household and how the older catechumens prepared for three years before they were ready. The kids were old enough to understand and celebrate with us. We had longed to do this for so long the past few months so having it finally come together was just beautiful. It was a joy to get to have it on the Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes, where we visited on our honeymoon, a place that means so much to us and to the Godparents. We are thankful for grace, for life her and more importantly the life to come. We pray she learns in these early years how very precious she is, and how loved she is by the Shepherd who watches over her.

Elena was diving after the light as he's saying "receive the light of Christ".

Holding her with her little squeals of joy is a delight.

Basketball and Spelling Bee by Joseph

2012-01-22T17:43:00.003-05:00

Hello this is Joseph, the son of two totally awesome parents. I am playing basketball for Our Lady of Peace Catholic school. We are the tigers and our record is 2-3. I would have never played basketball this winter if the tigers had not decided to split into two teams. There was room for one more, and so I joined the team. I had previously known three of my teammates very well so it all worked out great. I'm 5'0 and 100 lbs (after dinner) and my shoes are a men's size 9. My Mom has threatened to feed me bread and water on occasion and I've decided if it was Propel and Baguette it would be okay. Seriously my Dad is coaching me and I'm learning how to block out and do a jump shot.

I have also recently competed in a Spelling Bee. I came in fourth place and second in my grade. I was eliminated on the word tutelage. I'll never misspell it again. :) It means the act of tutoring. I plan on doing doing some tutelage myself soon. The Bee was fun because my good friends came and we got to enjoy listening to the little junior words being spelled by very serious little kids. Watching a six year old stomp up, yell into the microphone, "What's the word?" and then shout out "w-a-l-k!" and stomp off the stage with uncontainable glee was all too much for us older, more serious spellers. I was hoping to get triskaidekaphobia or psyche or chrysanthemum or something. So tutelage which was pronounced wrong just stunk. "S-t-u-n-k."

Okay this is too long already, I gotta run.

Christmas Eve

2011-12-25T08:54:00.001-05:00

Christmas Eve mass is so very beautiful at our Church. We love the Dominican friars, the beauty all around, and the heavenly music. This year we cherished having our own tiny baby to wrap in swaddling clothes.

Oh wait, at four months old having just doubled we'll settle for wrapping her in 12 month clothes. Her tights are falling off so her legs aren't really quite that long. It was so nice to have her happy for mass, babbling and comfortable and not spitting up. Her sweet smile brought smiles to people all around.

The stockings were hung with care, the Christmas story read, and the kids were so very excited. They had a little naughty and nice today, so we prayed no one would get a lump of coal or switch. :)

Joseph and Dad toast the night with eggnog before they're off to sleep. Happy Christmas to all, we thank the babe who came long ago for this very good night.

Dragon Hunting

2011-12-22T23:23:00.000-05:00

This is the year, that the presents will be wrapped early, that Mom and Dad will spend Christmas week and especially the Eve praying and entering into the real gift of the season. So that is the plan. So Mom is trying to achieve the plan...with a long history of staying up too late Christmas Eve and being tired on Christmas. So far, the kids have kept us super busy, and so have the few things we try to do for others, and of course the wonderful baby. Making and delivering cookies for the piano teacher, and the neighbors/friends too. Hosting some family, and in between the baby. Really I think I could do it all without the baby. I might even be rested. But I'd rather have a baby and do everything pretty well, or some things not at all and be tired, and covered in recycled milk. The baby reminds me this was a mudsplashed event, this birth in Bethlehem.

So to add to our busy schedule we found this week the dryer blew an element and was no longer working. The same morning this happened the baby fussed most of the night, and Mommy woke feeling like she never slept at all. She forgot about rehearsal for the Christmas pageant and the basketball practice that day. And when the beautiful cards arrived in the mail from friends looking rested, and ready for their restful Christmas, she did the sensible thing, and cried. Earlier when the five year old tried out telling a tall tale and stubbornly refused to tell the truth over a silly matter (scribbling on a book) she put her in her room for a long time: longer than she probably needed, but not as long as she really wanted to (the whole day looked good.) Well one much needed nap later, and a good night's sleep later, we are seeing order emerge. Mom likes it when she isn't overwhelmed by the tide of cooking, laundry, cleaning, wrapping. Four kids brings a tide. Home educating brings the tide of busy without quiet. Mom likes life busy, and likes to work hard, but order and occasional quiet brings tranquility, and sometimes it's just too much when we are going too many directions without sleep.

So tonight with a little rest under her, Mom had a renewed spark, absent as the past few months have gone by, and decided it was time to go dragon hunting. So in the dark and balmy rain (feels wonderfully like Seattle right now in the 50's) we headed out on a Winter's solstice evening in the to hunt dragons with two five year olds armed with flashlights and active imaginations. It was wonderful, it was joyful puddle jumping, imagining dragon prints and sounds, and dragon interests. It was a time of giggles and Christmas lights only added to the fun. And somewhere in the wet puddles and ardent searches for our dear dragon in the large fields near our house, I felt the world was right and good. The disorder of shopping and wrapping and burden to do or get something visible to show others what is really intangible, was soothed. Returning to the fun of childhood, is the best part of being a parent. It goes to fast, and we don't get to enjoy it enough. The weight of adulthood will be upon them before they know it, and dragon hunting, and puddle jumping together will not happen. Carefree moments will become more effortful or at least scheduled. Years from now, they won't remember if the house was clean, and all the laundry done, or if we had the most wonderful food. But if I'm lucky they might remember hunting for the neighborhood dragon and nighttime walks under the wet night sky. They might remember Mom laughing and being silly and know she too knew how to play and be, and how very loved they were. So I pray. The ever so important dryer is fixed, the presents are almost all done and wrapped, and most of all, our lives and hearts are slowing down to prepare for the child who changed everything.

Getting bigger

2011-12-20T08:00:00.000-05:00

Our kids are really growing, all of them. Slow down, we want to say, mostly so they fit their clothes, but also so we can still enjoy them and lift them and scoop them in our arms. Thankfully they are all ticklish, and love to be held and rocked and chased and snuggled.

This smallest little babylove has changed the most, and wow is she getting chubby and happy and healthy. So at four months old, we can't believe she's in 9 month clothes. Somehow she grows no matter how much she spits up.

Oh how we love those dark eyes gazing at Mommy with her sweet smile.

She doesn't like a bouncy seat or a swing, but she likes the 'jump up' to hang in if we position her with a blanket since she doesn't really have the trunk control to sit up in it. We swing her gently in this and she loves it.

She is calling out with all sorts of fun sounds listening to herself and starting to try to roll when she is on her back. Her chubby legs are comprised of adorable little rolls, and she nurses well! This is what it's all about. It is a pleasure to get to know this little person now. Forget pregnancy, recovery, exhaustion, it means nothing and time seems to stop when we hold this dear girl. What a sweet little wonderful person she is.

The very long fourth trimester

2011-12-11T22:00:00.000-05:00

Well this has been a long fourth trimester, and we're so happy to come through the storm. This little tiny baby had tummy pain and had trouble ever being comfortable for the first couple months. She was sad a lot, especially if she ate. She seemed to overeat, and then spit up much of her food. Mom had oversupply, inflammation, because the baby had trouble getting the milk, and then Mom had mastitis. That made it harder for them both. It seemed she was always hungry and Mom was always full so this natural thing we love called nursing wasn't going so well. She couldn't suck well and it was hard to figure out what to do, with pumped milk in bottle or nursing from the source. She filled up on some milk with mostly too much air and then had a tough time burping. So she was in pain. Then tired Mom was in pain. We would feed her and then all of it seemed to come back up and we wondered how she grew at all. We were in a bad cycle, and then the mastitis came. We were told to give up nursing when the mastitis didn't clear. We went on the wrong antibiotics twice. We ended up in the ER on an IV drip overnight to kick the infection and get a milk culture. It was, well, really hard. We narrowly avoided giving up nursing and we finally got some good help.

We found a very good lactation person, who gave us good information and who did some cranio-sacral work with Elena. She also gave us a hospital pump. She help her with her suck. We thought we had cut out dairy, but then we really cut out all dairy, and citrus, and lots of foods trying to see if that would help. She also got on a little medicine, and that seemed to help also. But that alone had not been helping. The recipe of changes all combined helped and slowly everything was getting better over a week or two.

Then... she seemingly became a different child and doubled overnight. Mom was becoming comfortable, nights were getting better. Nursing starting becoming easy, and comforting, and soothing, and everything was working well. She started sleeping and eating and smiling, and growing.

But she was still struggling some, and we couldn't always figure out why. If we were tired it seemed like she would 'always be hard'. We were run down. So when she hit three months old and she could finally lay down flat on her back without crying we celebrated. When we went from constant spit up on our clothes, to occasional spit up, we celebrated. When we got her to take a nap on somewhere other than our shoulder, and not go down moaning to sleep we were elated.

Now she has changed, and she's really a different baby. Whew! That was really tough!! We wouldn't have wanted to do it alone. We need to remember to love our friends when they are in the new baby fog. To remind them the time is short, and one day they will sleep again. We are so glad a few friends did that for us. And we are so thankful for help, the support, and the encouragement.

Daddy and Auntie Lora helped so very often. Having a baby cry and being unable to take away their pain is a terrible ache for Mommy. Daddy would take her for walks in the front pack. He found she was happy as long as he didn't stop walking. We called him "Forrest" Dad and would say "walk Forrest, walk." He walked her around the house and then around the block some nights so Mom could spend a little while with the other kids at bedtime.
Auntie helped a ton. She saved Mom from utter exhaustion, and gave more than can be documented. Our sanity we owe to her. Elena loves her Auntie Lora so much. She loves to be held and hear her voice, and it is such a gift to have someone other than Mom who makes her happy. The other children also love having someone to listen to stories, to play with, and the for the two five year olds, even though they don't know it, they really needed that extra person to keep them following the family routines when Mom was wiped out.

We have all pretty much sacrificed in little and big ways our activities, outside people and events to weather this storm of the new baby in her fourth trimester. Hopefully my kids will look back and realize we (really Mom at this stage and because of Dad's job) gave it all we had, and loved this baby when she was tough. Mom, or the shadow of a figure that was her, who has aged greatly in three short months, is so relieved it is all getting easier. She truly felt like a cat hanging by her tail, for many weeks. She is looking forward to life returning to more normal. Every extra hour of sleep, and moment to recoup is a blessing appreciated. Having a sense of humor return and joy return is good.

We know our other children will bounce back with us from the deluge of challenges that this new sibling brought. Perhaps now they only remember that Mom was too tired for words some mornings. She painfully and rather poorly tried to listen to them throughout the day because she was needing that extra half a night of sleep and trying not to show it. Sometimes they knew she was a terrible listener, with little patience, but they understood and never mentioned it. Our oldest play games with the other one to give Mom a nap. Our kids found that they came often second to the howling newcomer, who needed us. They know they were still loved, despite this time. Their needs have always been met, but not always their wants. Hopefully they learned that we can all stretch to accommodate and love another, even one who can seem inconsolable for a time. Love isn't easy, it requires sacrifice.

Now we get to bask in the joy of giggles and smiles and coos from a bright eyed child who is very engaging. She is finding her voice, and we hear her calling out like a baby dino. She belly laughs, and she smiles almost all the time. She is a happy person for the most part. She still erupts and is sometimes very much like a fountain, so we just try to manage the messy moments. But she is becoming a healthy, happy baby and we appreciate every step in that direction. Happy baby makes a much happier time of it for everyone! We're glad the fourth trimester is all done!

So Thankful

2011-11-24T13:29:00.000-05:00

Today we give thanks for big and small things. We are thankful for a sweet little baby who is precious and wonderful, the biggest gift and change for our family. She is growing fast, nurses better each day, and sleeps pretty well now at night. Sweet Elena is a joy for each of us. We are thankful for our health, for rest, and that all the kids are well too. We are thankful to be together for a quiet day together, with delicious food, and time to be present to each other and have fun.

Our return to routines and predictability, and being home is so nice. We see the kids behaving well, testing us less, and life is easier. We are thankful for time off work for Daddy, for a much needed respite without feeling crummy. This is a fun stay-cation for all of us having him home without being drained by a trip.

We have had a season to remind us that life is precious and dear, too short, and not to waste it. Everything good comes from God, and the rest is just our weaknesses and mistakes that will one day disappear. May He multiply our goodness and keep us thankful despite our frailties. And after this season of challenges and adjustments, we hope for a few more wonderful weeks that refill and restore us.

Tiffany and Bryan's Wedding

2011-10-15T18:00:00.000-04:00

Our kids are so blessed to have had a wonderful babysitter that they dearly love and still get to keep in touch with. They will always love her and remember how much fun it was to have her play with them. They also respect her, and try to be good for her, which has been a great thing for Mom and Dad. They have been looking forward to watching her marrying her high school sweetheart for over a year. A wedding is the most wonderful fairy tale celebration they know of. When they found out they were getting to be in her wedding, this made the anticipation of going even greater. They had the most wonderful day watching her be the princess who is so very beautiful and kind get to marry her prince, who they also really like. It would be hard not to, since he's just a really fun, good guy.

Annelise and Johnny got to be the flower girl and ring bearer and they took their role very seriously, well as seriously as you can at five, your first time in formalwear. Mommy and Daddy were just hoping they could do a good job walking and be well behaved for her to have her special day run smooth. Please, please be good were whispered under their breaths. They were good, and they had a very wonderful day, and it was a beautiful wedding and reception!

We so enjoyed seeing her hard work and planning make a beautiful celebration of her love, their families, and their friendship.

Daddy commented that on Annelise's wedding he will remember her just as she is now, full of innocence and joy and sweetness that melts his heart.

Johnny was every bit the showman he is capable of, but reigned himself in to be good. What a great day they will never forget.

It reminded us it will go too fast, as I brushed a tear away the moment I saw her Mom's eyes glisten and during the flashes of her Dad's eyes bursting with fatherly pride. The beginning of the new chapter in their daughter's life is a pause to take in the gift of her childhood. I imagined her at five and how they blinked and before them stood a woman, and then I admired her parents this day for aiding in the journey. Perhaps we too will see our children grow up and marry their best friend. What a gift that would be.

First family picture with baby!

Big thank you's to Auntie for coming and making this day possible with a seven week old with reflux and Mommy battling mastits. This picture brought to you by ibuprophin.

Getting a kiss was more than a little fun for him.

There are many more beautiful pictures, but here's a quick sample. Hooray for Tiffany and Bryan.

Newborn struggles: reflux baby

2011-08-30T01:00:00.000-04:00

Well we have never had a babymoon, that wonderful newborn time my friends talk about. Some people don't have honeymoons, and we had a great one going to Europe, traveling, good health, seeing friends. It was a gift! But in the baby adjustment phase, our experience has always been very tough. So dear girl, as number four, we were expecting it. We knew the freight train will likely hit us, at least Mom does. But almost five years later, we honestly forgot how hard it can be to get through reflux. Our little one has trouble sucking well to nurse, and has reflux and tummy pain, and thus doesn't sleep well either or get comfortable.

So life is a blur of trying to nurse, trying as long to get a burp, them walking and comforting a newborn who is uncomfortable. After hiccups and moaning, she sleeps, a very light, grimacing sleep that can sadden the heart. The only position she will sleep is on my chest upright as I lay on pillows or in a recliner. She sleeps with her head on my heart and I just love to hold her. This little one is struggling and we struggle right along with her. Her sweet fragility and pure innocence makes it easy to enter into this. We are really still one for a little longer, even if they cut the cord.

The other kids aren't sure we got what we ordered. they aren't liking the difficulties so well. Mostly they thought having a baby means Mom gets back to normal energy again. Instead Mom is wiped out for a time. Johnny pointed out my tummy still isn't quite flat. "Is there another one coming?" he asks. Hmmm, Mom don't think about that too much this week. Dad is convinced Elena isn't 'finished cooking' like her siblings, but he is fully optimistic she will get there. Perhaps because he sleeps he is objective. He at least can remind me this will be temporary when I feel overwhelmed.

I am so glad I don't need to do this alone. Look at the others, they eat now and sleep he says. Oh my, but when they got to here I cannot remember. So meanwhile Mom just tries everything she knows to comfort, to latch and nurse, to burp, to change, to rock, to walk, to soothe. The days and nights run together and I feel like the family owl who never sleeps. I am dwindling away. But there are glimpses of a peaceful happy girl coming. A friend told me to cherish this time, since it is so short. Oh my I will do well to survive it I thought. I will be sure to cherish this child, but not the trial she and I are in. I know it is temporary and so worth it. Meanwhile, we walk, and burp and nurse and remember nothing wonderful in life comes without a little sacrifice.

Newborn bathtime

2011-08-20T23:00:00.000-04:00

Bathtime with a newborn, is so warm, soft and sweet. Even when you forget you gave away your baby bathtub, and decide to use a bowl like your Grandma probably did. Even when you realize after hundreds of baths with your kids you forgot how small, and fragile, and dependent they were, we all were to begin with.

The dear delicate tiny nails and toes, and hiccups and shudders the little wrinkled then grimacing and soon to be cooing face. This little one who we dipped in the warm water and bubbles is more special and fun, more dear than words can say. So we just watch and love, and be with her, in this moment. It goes too fast.

Welcome Elena Christina

2011-08-15T18:00:00.000-04:00

Our little precious gift came into the world, Monday August 15th at 3:03 am, weighing 8 lbs. 3 oz. and measuring 21 inches long. She is a sweet, peaceful little girl who is slowly stealing all our hearts to her every smile and coo and newborn grimace. We named her Elena Christina, and she is every bit the tiny wonderful girl we could hope for.

On first glance she's a little puffy

Mommy just knew Sunday would probably be the day, as she was feeling closer each day of the weekend. She got to steal away to an early mass without the kids, and get a little blessing and some quiet time away from everyone. Something about being present to the moment, with a busy household, makes these quiet hours special. Then we were thrown off by Joseph's 105 degree spike in the afternoon, since it was for the fourth straight day. Dad took the trip to Children's Urgent Care and returned telling us he had Hand, Foot and Mouth virus. So luckily discouraged Mommy spoke to Grandma who wisely suggested a nap, and to let everything go. He was well enough that he could be left, and the virus wasn't the scary ones that we couldn't return home with a baby.

She woke up with contractions about 6 pm (first time laying down with contractions) and then began timing them around 7 pm. We called the doctor at 8-9 pm, and tucked in the children, and went to the hospital to get checked in. She was confirmed as being in labor around 10 pm (not that she needed any confirmation at that point) but it's nice to see the monitor reflect what one feels, that is hard to describe. Labor was progressive, consistent and even tough, but not that long, and Mommy's hero, the anesthesiologist, gave her relief for the last hour, arriving for the toughest part. Wow, did that change things, and probably sped them up, since one can really relax when you can feel a contraction but not want to brace oneself. It's hard not to dodge a sledge hammer steadily occurring, even if one is visualizing the hammer as natural and good, and willing it to move through oneself. Once they were two minutes apart and doubling, that epidural was looking good. So then our little girl was born comfortably, easily, and best of all without any distress, she never had any bradycardia. We had a peaceful arrival without incident, which is all we could hope for. Now we are just enjoying her little wonderful self.

The sweet smell and feel of a newborn is unlike anything in the world, especially for Mom.

Johnny and Leesie visiting Elena on her birthday

Mom she's so tiny

She's our sister!

Getting ready for baby

2011-08-13T18:00:00.000-04:00

As we prepare for this little one's arrival we realize how much we are going to miss the wonderful little kicks, the joy of watching and feeling a little one with stretches, hiccups, and wiggles. Now that we are close it is something easy to share with the children.

This little one will be a night owl, definitely starting to wiggle whenever Mommy lays down to sleep. This person also really loves hearing big brother play piano, even in lessons there are kicks the whole time. Joseph is excited to play for the baby. Johnny and Annelise start and end each day with tummy kisses, and hellos to baby. They love seeing how BIG the tummy will grow, and hoping and waiting for the little one to arrive.

They also love putting a little stuffed animal or baby under their shirt, and announcing, "It's delivery time" and returning to the room with a little baby or elephant. So sweet, so dear are these moments, and special to have two young people at once 'delivering' together. Annelise has already told Johnny she will grow up and have lots of babies, and he can grow up and be a Dad. He isn't sure yet that he won't deliver a few babies himself.

Third trimester

2011-08-10T20:22:00.000-04:00

I haven't been in the third trimester very often. This is only the third time, and after four miscarriages and a challenging adoption, we count this little child number eight a special edition. We have four here, and four who we look forward to meeting someday. We never could have imagined the journey ahead when we were first married. This little one now is a child we dreamed about the past couple years, even when we were busy and content with the blessings of three children. We dreamed when our time was full, and we were too tired and frankly sometimes feeling a bit too old or too empty to even hope for another. But there that little face was, in our dreams, and so our hearts are open. We have so many friends of all ages blessed with children: tummy babies, and adopted ones. These are young parents and older whose lives are full because of openness and selflessness. These parents inspire us. So then we dreamed of this child and then found our children too hoped for and asked for a baby. We explained that wasn't likely at all, and tried to help protect them and despite this they prayed for one often. Now this dream has become a tangible reality we look forward to meeting soon! Such a gift!

It is good for us as a family to go through this again, to experience it again, because it isn't easy and that part we forgot. It is one thing to open your home, or give of your time, or open your heart to a person in caring and friendship. These are good things we make time for: hospitality, and friendship. We think we are generous or at least not completely selfish. But we are comfortable in our routines and with our obligations. Then when pregnancy comes and someone changes and challenges you from inside, it is to give in a different way. It really calls one to give of themselves interiorly and completely, starting with Mom (who is already in demand). We are knowing He is always calling us to be more, to love more, to know Him more. So we strive to teach our children to want to be more, much more than their parents are and they see. We strive to live our best, in our limited and feeble way. We know we want to be people who are focused on more than transitory things and more than just our own interests. We want to teach our kids to love others and give of themselves. We want to protect our kids from he pursuit of empty material goods, the world of selfishness, and the very disconnected detachment from others which occurs when one lives merely in the world of screen time. So before we were pregnant we found many good lessons to live this and to teach these values.

Then came this new life, which has been one of the best lessons of all. With this has come to Mom the ever constant feeling of being stretched physically and emotionally. It's hard to put into words, yielding oneself to the process of growing a person. Whether it is fatigue, nausea, or just being uncomfortable and discontent, there has been a constant call to expand in so many ways day and night. The littlest persons don't just change your body, they change your thoughts and they change your heart too. It has made me turn inward, and be more introspective, and less ambitious toward tackling busy needs of three active little people. I find running a household, coordinating the needs of our home, and still trying to see friends or host people is now quite hard. I often say I understand why a pregnant animal will hide away. I am tempted myself rather often to want to hide away, to be more and do less. To contemplate more and speak less. Few things bring out the awareness of being limited for me than pregnancy, and I just don't like having less to give. Less energy, less ability to do, especially in Ohio's summer heat, has been really hard. I honestly feel less capable and sometimes less like a good Mom, while ironically I am being more "Mom" than ever. Being present to the needs of the older ones in this busy season has made me tempted to think we are less prepared and even less anticipating this new baby. I feel too busy, always pulled in so many ways. I realized I haven't had time to sing to my belly, and write a letter of all my hopes for this child like I did with my others. Yet, in this family not only is Mom preparing, and waiting, but three children are busily waiting and in excited anticipation. We constantly aware that someone new is coming, and we are making room together in a messy real way. It's all about making room in one's heart for a footprint, that will stay forever. No matter how busy life is these past few months, that person is growing more real, and calling each of us to be there for him or her, especially Mom. Everything really wonderful, really lasting, requires serious effort I am convinced of that. This little life is so worth every bit of effort, or hardship from each of us. We are so very happy to be in the third trimester, waiting, stretching and anticipating.

Summer swimming lessons

2011-08-07T10:26:00.000-04:00

This summer three little people took to the water. John and Leesie were tadpoles, and Joseph moved to an advanced class. The little ones grew in confidence and surprises us by finally jumping into arms without fear and holding their breath under water. The scariest thing was finding them doing this in the deep bathtub one night, when they dove down and held their breath about 20 seconds. When they came up with big smiles we knew the water fears were leaving and our fishes were arriving.

The water slide is a special treat for good swimmers at the end of the week.

Last year he went head first, this year he made it down big boy style. Landing in a pretty girl's arms is an extra bonus he seemed to enjoy too.

Joseph went from being in a beginner class afraid of jumping off the low diving board last summer, to diving off the low board and jumping off the high dive this summer.

Then in early August he announced one morning before breakfast he was going to dive off the high dive in lessons. Mommy was sad since she had to run to the OB instead of lessons. But Auntie brought the camera and sure enough he did it, twice in a row. This summer he learned rotary breathing and improved in freestyle, back stroke, and breast stroke to advance to stroke clinic. We were amazed this confident and eager boy was the same child as last summer. Well in many ways the little boy is definitely gone and the big boy is here.

This boy is 5' tall and yet still 9 years old, wonder how big he'll be in a few years...

Look Mom, I'll help catch her.

So while pregnant Mommy cheered them on, the kids improved their swimming skills and we are so proud of them. Here we are on the last day, with a week to go left in this pregnancy.

Baby bump at 34 weeks

2011-07-13T05:43:00.001-04:00

Well we are now less than six weeks from due date. All of us! It seems the kids enjoy taking turns being pregnant, and it's not unusual for Annelise to announce it's time for a "delivery" and appear with her baby doll. For the Fourth of July, my sister Anna was visiting, (such a gift) and liked when I said my friend had mentioned "I look like swallowed a watermelon whole." She agreed and said, "Hey lets get a picture" before we cut up our watermelon to eat. It is funny to see all the different ways us pregnant women carry babies, and even to see how four year olds pretend to carry babies. For me it's always all out front. I don't appear pregnant from the back, but I am quite sure I more than make up for it in the front. Well yielding one's body to give life to another is a privilege, a gift like none other, but not without it's moments of sacrifice. We're starting to run out of room, this little one an I. The fun kicks of the third trimester are something the kids really do enjoy. The reality that this person is coming out soon is becoming more apparent every day, especially to Mom. Meanwhile the tummy just keeps growing....bigger.

Baseball Season

2011-06-25T07:28:00.001-04:00

Lots of drills.

Learning to throw, swing and catch take effort, and a good coach.

Dad in his element.

Love that smile

The littlest fans cheering on big brother.

Morning condensed game with Dad.

Being a Mariner fan came easier this year since they are winning again.

Spring for us means baseball season. So despite a lot of rain and warm thunderstorms, we had many fun days watching Joseph play in a local little league. He had a lot of help from assistant coach Dad at home working on fundamentals. Joseph learned a lot about discipline and trying when things are hard. He had moments when things were very exciting, making some good plays as a first baser. He also had painful moments pitching the last few innings with the game on the line and his team losing. Sometimes it was equally (or more) hard on Dad, wondering if giving him a hard moment to battle through was the best thing. Dad read books on coaching and teaching fundamentals and has worked very hard to encourage Joseph and also had to try to motivate a lot of boys who seemed quite unambitious. So many boys plugged in to screens, rather than being outside playing and being "boys" these days. That alone is another story. But for his son, he gave him his all, and it showed. Dad would enjoy writing a book on "Life lessons from baseball." They just keep coming, and they are all good ones, despite sometimes being difficult.

Mom has observed and sees her boy (and husband) challenged in ways nothing else quite does, and growing through each opportunity. This is the year to see if Joseph wants to own this and try to go on. It may be that just Johnny will be our baseball boy. So both parents were surprised on the day when Joseph declared, "I have a passion for baseball, this is a great game!" Mom asked, "To watch or to play?" (As she knows he enjoys being a fan of the Mariners so much.)"Oh definitely both!" came the reply. Well his Dad certainly does too. Of all the sports this was one he didn't get to do as a child, but now really appreciates as an adult. The character lessons for our son participating in a group activity that doesn't come easily (for a boy who academically so far everything comes very easily) have been many. We have (in Mom's case) watched him learn to push himself physically to be in condition and develop the skills to play. In Dad's case, we have sought to find ways to motivate a sensitive, deep soul; to teach him to push himself physically and brush things off emotionally. Those are skills the sports can teach boys that help them become the kind of man that is very dependable. Yet motivating someone who is different than oneself can be a real art form to develop, much less helping motivate an entire team. From this we have seen Joseph push through the tough moments, and brush off the tears of disappointment from his own or his team's performance or even unfair calls have been good too. We have also watched otherHe has definitely been stretched by this sport, but he is still wearing a smile, and willing to keep with his drills and learning those fundamentals and play again this fall.

Warm Days in the Yard

2011-05-08T16:00:00.008-04:00

The days have turned warm, and the fun of being outside has begun. Mommy found flowers for her flower bed, and Annelise decided to water them with her teapot, in her dance leotard, with graceful steps, singing, and twirling. She is at the age we want to freeze. She is at the time when she melts our hearts, just pure little girl, the world of butterflies, rainbows, imagination, and songs.

Meanwhile the boys were getting in some batting practice. After his own drills, Joseph generously pitches to Johnny, who loves nothing better than to swing a bat. We cooled off with the hose, and Mommy was happy to see that Johnny and Leeise are able to water the new flowers this year, help pull weeks, and learn to tend their little garden. It is so nice to have it warm and be outside.

He is Risen-Celebrating Easter!

2011-04-25T11:44:00.002-04:00

We had a wonderful Easter day! The kids were thrilled to see their baskets with books, games and treats. We all got to dress up in our best, new clothes, shoes, down to the trim hair. We are trying to give God our best, so after we fasted and we celebrate and have a reason to dress up. The kids said the A word and the G word over and over. (Alleluia, Gloria! He is risen!) The house was clean and ordered, the food was wonderful, the kids were happy and totally well. It took a lot to prepare this, a lot more than it feels like it should, but it was good to have a day so special.

After breakfast we headed to our Church. There was the most beautiful liturgy with glorious music. The place was bursting families who also were happy to see the day and adorably dressed children and lots of flowers, which after winter are so lovely. The beauty all around and in the liturgy and the celebration are the pinnacle of the day.

We got an outdoor picture and Mom at 6 months along doesn't fit clothes like she used to and especially in this dress she looked and felt like an egg. But she was comfortable. There's just over three more months....hanging in there, or waddling in there. There's a lot of sympathizing with all the books about ducks, and nests and waiting...

The kids had a wonderful time hunting for about eight dozen eggs indoors (due to rain) and thanks to some big help from Auntie! That gave them enough hunting that they didn't beg for more. Then they changed and got their first moment playing outside on a new play-set. It was a bit rainy but still comfortable and 60's and the garden is blooming, the grass is bright green, and everywhere Spring is in the air.

For egg hunting Joseph was a great brother, letting the little ones get all the low eggs. Johnny was amazing in quantity and Leesie got the one large dino egg so she was thrilled!

Daddy made a wonderful feast for dinner and Mom got a much needed nap, a break all afternoon. The kids are thrilled to have auntie visiting and someone new to play with and be told new stories. Mom was happy to rest, be off her feet and care for her own egg. She really does feel like a hen on a nest. Easter and Christmas day are always super special, but Mom is always tired from creating this wonderful time. So the nap or a little rest is really the best gift I could have been given, after seeing the kids so happy.

Daddy finished the evening by telling "Salvation History- Our Family Story" which is the story of how God has created us, and let us through history until now. He wants the kids to understand how we are part of the same history that is in the bible, and it is up to us to let God write our own chapter of how we will live our life as part of history. He wants them to understand how important they are in the family of God and to know that God wants to choose to use them too to make them saints. Their lives are their own chapter of how they want to live and make the most of the gifts and situation they are given. Joseph is learning how each time period in history had its greatness and it's challenges and how ours is no different. The difference comes by what a person does with the situation they are put in. Who they choose to serve and live for. The kids could really grasp how they are part of a big picture, and they identify so much about their heavenly father from their experience with their own Dad. They have learned (I pray) too that the most special things in life come from sacrifice.

Mom is most constantly reminded of the fact that babies come not from 9 months of ease, but sometimes struggles, and even misery, but they are wanted and anticipated no less. It's easy to want the prize in anything without the effort. On some level we all can sometimes want a life of ease since it is always being sold to us, in various ways. It looks like the better choice. We know also despite this that pleasure and leisure doesn't mean happiness or even real meaning co-exists. As older parents it hit us the enormity of the sacrifice of love when the act of becoming parents is lived out, not just observed or read about. Getting to love another with your whole heart, being truly responsible for them and their welfare, not just oneself, and sacrificing to make their world beautiful is really helping us grow each day. So is trusting that it doesn't have to be just our own effort, but that our lives as parents are just of piece of the big picture for them. For when they are small, we are so important in molding their hearts and minds, their habits and even their security in themselves and in the big picture. Some days it really seems like a more than full time job, and some days it is pure joy. I know the sacrifices will help some future spouse or child, or at least help our kids become whole integrated people who can give of themselves to others, and that's our great hope for them. We know so many people who are less than who they could be and one could wonder if a full childhood could have helped them develop. One of my favorite quotes is, "A happy childhood is a gift forever." Parenthood is a beautiful part of the Divine plan, but boy it isn't easy.

Now Daddy gets the week off to head south and get some sun, golf, rest, and continuing education in, in that order of course. We get to finish out classes, attend end of the year events, potlucks/ presentations, prepare for piano guild, get to sport events, have minor surgery on one child, and a first communion party, and try to keep the octave of Easter special. Somehow another nap or two might have to get in there too.

Baby mush

2011-03-30T22:07:00.013-04:00

I had forgotten how fun and sometimes funny it is to be pregnant. There definitely are strong hormones and many changes that come upon oneself when a person is growing inside you. I cry over things that well, don't always deem worthy of a cry. I could sleep half the day away if someone didn't need me awake. Nausea has been my constant buddy. So now the first trimester nausea has decreased, my ambition is returning and my stomach has begun to increase (must find maternity shirts soon). Must also eat small meals and drink small drinks or else one feels truly like one could explode, no surprise there either. What has been a surprise is the changes in the heart and the thoughts, that I had forgotten about.

A few months ago, I saw my friends' little ones, babies under one year old, and thought "cute, there's little Jim" or "she looks like Mommy, getting bigger," or "look a first tooth." I had rational thoughts about babies, passing, fleeting acknowledgments of their goodness, and their stage of growth. They were similar to the thoughts I have about the big kids meeting new challenges, just mainly gratitude for them, and their interests, unless of course they were my own kids. Now just this week, now every time I see a baby, (the same babies I know and have seen even) I have thoughts like, "Oh wow, that beautiful, sweet, chubby adorable, angel, oh my goodness will Mom let me hold him and smell him and gaze into those delightfully sweet eyes, oh, oh, oh..." The magnetism that suddenly emerges from all babies toward me is almost overwhelming me, and I am laughing at my own thoughts and feelings. I have less energy, definitely less mental interest in other friends' babies as we try to move toward ending a school year, embracing Lent, starting a few Spring sports, organizing our house and garage and catching up on things I let go in my nausea, etc. I need to focus on getting my own kid's needs met in this season, and try to help finish getting a household organized and preparing for a new child. Yet I am finding in even my most determined mission, or fatigued state, if I should happen upon a baby, really any baby, it's over- I am fighting becoming mush. It is a good weakness to be drawn to life that is fragile and precious and new, or so I remind myself when I try like Superman to continue on my mission (like obtaining groceries) despite the cooing, gurgling, adorable magnet pulling me. Those tiny little helpless creatures are just begging me to ponder their adorable goodness and really drop whatever I am doing to appreciate them. It's good that reason gets to mold the will and direct the emotions, or at least necessity, like getting home or to soccer practice.

So now, I try to manage this new change and try not convey this newfound 'weakness' too much outwardly. After all, sometimes it's a perfect stranger whose child I am trying not to gaze deeply at. I know this is to prepare us to welcome our precious (but soon to be appropriately demanding of attention) new addition this summer. It's just funny to experience again the interior transformation. This is something as a women, one isn't even sure if one should really tell one's spouse. This is especially true if one's objective, rational spouse is detached from such creatures unless they have paternal rights over them. That would make sense, after all. Stranger baby magnetism times 100 doesn't make sense. One might just wonder if one's wife is losing it. Making room for another, means being transformed to prepare for another. Experience tells me, that this, like the growing tummy and the accompanying fatigue of pregnancy, is just temporary, and just to enjoy the gift, and the season we are in. Someday I will not crave tiny babies more that I can explain. I had just forgotten in the fatigue of the first trimester to appreciate the privilege motherhood. Where much is given much is required, and the sacrifices can sometimes distract one from the big wonderful gift of it all. So taking a moment to remember to enjoy how wonderful, fun and sometimes surprising it is to be pregnant and preparing for a child.

Learning time

2011-03-28T09:57:00.098-04:00

Spring oh spring where art thou? We are definitely looking forward to green grass, birds, flowers, and green trees to replace the gray, barren cold of winter. We are ready to be outside and enjoy the longer coming days. In the meantime, school has been fun for the kids. Annelise and Johnny both are learning letters, sounds, songs, cutting, pasting, and now they are learning to put away everything they take out, throughout the day. They have lots of reading, music, puzzles, games, and make believe. They get an occasional video, too for good behavior. Now we've added boot camp, or rather, "Get ready for Mom to have a baby" camp. So the recruits are learning to help put away their folded laundry, put back toys before getting another, and straight there areas of jurisdiction throughout the day. They had some habits down but they all but disappeared during early pregnancy nausea. I really learned that the energy of guiding throughout the day really molds good habits. So thankfully now Mom's better, and the ship's running much smoother with a Captain back fully on deck. Mom's playing catch up in organizing desks, closets, corners, etc. and the house is looking much better. I am always amazed at how much organization (and cleaning) is part of homemaking and home education. I don't enjoy the process, but I love it when it's done. Order does really bring tranquility as people find what they need, know where things go, have their clothes and toys in their place, and also that the utility companies get their money on time. The biggest challenge is not to think about when it will be undone or that it was in vain.

Joseph is an amazing learner. He loves his schedule, and he knowing what is expected of him. He daily plays piano, completes math, reading, latin, Spanish, and the bulk of his school on his own each day. Once his area is organized and he knows what to do when, he is able to focus and check off each thing for the day. He likes having his quiet time to focus, away from siblings, and then he emerges and tells us all about what he's learned and the latest thing he's interested in. He has two amazing classes which lay out a lot of information each week to memorize and he relishes diving in. They give him an opportunity to give a speech twice a week, based on a different given theme. He has learned tons of geography by studying and tracing his maps, he studies his timeline and writes about a time period, he memorizes history sentences, and he enjoys all types of science. He really is a joy to help learn. The biggest thing for Mom is guiding the curriculum, making sure he stays focused (instead of saying getting lost in the Dangerous Book for Boys, or Redwall for a couple hours, or playing with siblings instead of completing chores) and helping him with writing and grammar. He likes a sounding board to discuss material, and narration is really fun, since his memory is so sharp. Joseph also does jumprope and baseball drills and fitness routine (less fun on our own) and gymnastics and art and some classical music study. Sometimes we are jealous seeing how much he has learned and how well he will be able to think and reason, and hunger to learn more. Learning how to think and learn well is our quest, and watching this arrow soar farther than his parents has begun at a tender age. He loves his classes, he is growing in confidence, humor, and independence. So coordinating and getting us to everything has definitely made a full year for Mom, but seeing him grow and even flourish with these opportunities has been its own reward.

I find the great temptation is always there of being misunderstood and even criticized for our choices. Few Moms choose to stay at home, and fewer would home educate. I watch the neighbor kids board the bus at 8:15. I see my neighbors in their designer workout suits and yes they have a great body thanks to the daily gym routine. They read the latest books, gather their own thoughts, have their facebook page updated daily and they look very attractive and they "care for themselves" well. I can't say I have done as well in this realm. I am tired, I am pregnant, and I feel it. But their houses are empty during the day, their lives they complain are overrun with busyness, no time together as a family and feeling they are reduced to a chauffeur role, making quick dinners, and coordinating busy evening routines and events. They compete to have any time at all with their kids between the school, the homework, the sports, and the screen time. We all have to make choices and there is no way in this world to "have it all." That understanding only comes with time and maturity, and often mistakes. Every choice has consequences and repercussions. There are many things I wish I could do but can't always find time for. Sometimes I just have to let go of, and I miss. But I am so thankful for this: to have time to watch my kids grow and learn, and truly know them, and have my house full. It's true Mom likes a quiet walk, a trip to the store in solace, and as many workouts in peace as I can squeeze in. It's true I don't get half as much as I want to done each day, the laundry is never done, and I haven't read as much or followed all the news, or often even gathered my own thoughts. It's a juggle to keep one's kids home throughout the year, and not use the screens to entertain all day long. It's an easy temptation.

We've decided to put being present to our kids first, and trying to ask them to be present to this world as well. No checking out in their screen for hours at a time. We love computers, we need them, but we make sure they serve us. We are taking on the journey of home education rather than delegating, placing them and our relationship to them often before ourselves. This seems really odd and misdirected to many, and usually I've given up trying to explain it. But we're now seeing the fruit in kids who are learning how to learn, learning to be well spoken, polite, kind, good, and most of all knowing they are loved. Also, and most importantly in the long run, our kids love God, they know he watches over them, and that this journey is short, and our goal is simply to be with him. Whenever anyone dies, or any tragedy occurs the kids say the person is being "carried by angels to be with Jesus." They see their job is to love others, pray for others and to see beyond this limited culture of superficiality and selfishness which is becoming more crass each day. Our kids have a taste for the good, the true, the noble and the beautiful, despite the culture around them that swims in the mire and encourages children to dive in as well. Giving them the best we can, even when it means we give up our own loves, has been the journey of parenthood we have embraced. Seeing the smallest buds and fruit begin to form in our garden is truly it's own reward and reason enough to stay the journey.

Flying Kites

2011-03-20T11:46:00.002-04:00

The Spring weather, warmer and windy, brought us outside to fly kites in the afternoon. Johnny and Leesie got their first chance ever to fly one (Batman and a Ladybug) and Joseph got to fly a more advanced and tricky one than the beginner one he has used in the past. It was a first for all of them, and Joseph had a friend to help share the fun in launching his Helicopter. Johnny and Leesie must have run over an hour all around the yard (3/4 an acre and the field across the street). Joseph's kite took longer to prepare due to tangles, but once he got it up it was quite impressive. He was so busy keeping it in the air and untangled he never noticed the boys yelling from the passing school bus, "Nice kite? So cool!" It's fun that something so simple could be so much fun.

What to do on a cold and snowy afternoon

2011-02-26T22:00:00.058-05:00

We have had some down time in the afternoons when Mom is resting with feet up. It's a new pregnancy thing, and doesn't always happen, but really helps the nausea and improves my stamina into the evening. So the kids get to have some fun that Mom watches, but doesn't have to participate in. (Novel idea- they can do this. In fact they are loving it.) So these are some things they are busy doing on their own.

Johnny helping wash the stairs. They like to "help" wipe down the wood floors, and he's learning that wet means slippery. I see a good future in this activity.

Helping cook in the kitchen. Joseph is learning to cook simple meals. Here he is making creme brulee (something he always wanted to do, probably from HSM).

Reading is a big favorite.

Joseph, like his Dad can concentrate even with a lot going on around him.

Making up new games. In this one he is about the hurdle over his siblings and complete some kick or half twist. So this game didn't make the cut. (But Mom we don't mind if he lands on us...)

Teaching sister stretching exercises and helping her with her simple dance moves.

Annelise's favorite: painting while in costume.

Add a little dancing and some dramatic singing and you have a very happy four year old.

Johnny is serenading Annelise with Ukulele. Always the performer, and ever the one to make us all laugh.

She is pretending to hold up the music sheets for him to read music. He is focusing on "reading" then cracking himself up singing.

Lots and lots of dancing happens while the boys complete a sword fight.

A little dipping from a fine big brother always is a bonus.

But Mom, does this look like the picture? I want to look like the picture.

When all else fails, chase each other in circles until you are exhausted and then grab each other and squeal with delight.

"Look Mom, I am kissing the frog, or do you want to be a dragon?" Yes Johnny is happy to play along with any fairy tale, as long as he gets to be active. And Mom is happy to rest and laugh at them playing in such big kid ways, as long as they don't yell inside. No more parallel play from toddler days, they really want to play together in so many ways. We've noticed Mom's job lately seems more like refereeing the fouls from the sideline then ever before. The players have more helping and cooperating with each other, but no surprise, more arguing and frustration while they learning how to work together. So the new referee hat gets to be worn, and we might even need a whistle. It's great to see them becoming great friends who really like each other's company (most of the time). After all, it is February, and somehow that means a little shorter fuses for us all until the Spring weather comes.

Balmy days, melting snow

2011-02-15T11:24:00.000-05:00

We were thrilled to have a warm front bring us balmy days on Monday, I think it felt like it was about the 50's. I may have been warmer but the wind was cold while the sun felt warm. The snow began to melt and disappear and after our class time we had a friend come and play outside for the afternoon. The boys played soccer and threw the football with fleeces instead of winter coats. Johnny of course wanted to hit the ball off the tee and with Mommy pitching (until he realized Dad was a better pitcher). The boys decided to make ice balls of the leftover snow and place them on the tee for Johnny to hit -I mean explode. They loved it, but Johnny preferred the distance of the ball to the exploding snow. Annelise sat and made a Valentine for Daddy with chalk on the driveway. She patiently drew pretty pictures with surprising skill. We had a wonderful day drinking in the beginning of spring. I keep telling myself winter isn't so bad, we're doing fine, but as soon as it got warm, well no denying spring weather is pretty wonderful.

Seeing life that is otherwise hidden

2011-02-09T21:40:00.000-05:00

Today is the day for our ultrascan. That's what you get if you have had four miscarriages and only two pregnancies come to term and you are in your late 30's. You get to see the high risk perinatologist who will tell you through this scan if you have signs of a viable life, or rather if there are problems. If there are problems, some of them you can prepare for to help save the child. They have a very high quality ultrasound machine, which helps uncover what is happening on a big screen. The news they bring will be very real, much more real than the images on the screen. It used to be a wonderful day, the ultrasound day, when our life was one of optimism and we wanted a peek into the hidden world. This was when pregnancy was just exciting and joyful. But now we are older, and we approach it more cautiously because of a long history of disappointment, we approach it as realists. We have learned through sorrow and loss that no amount of longing for a child, or wanting a child, brings forth a child. A child is simply a gift to be received. The Lord gives and sometimes takes away. He may never give in a way we want or long for, but He is still all loving and wise and we trust Him. But we do not always trust our own weak hearts to embrace whatever news may come. So then this night before we go in for the scan was such a long night. It was one of painful dreams, of remembering no heartbeat, and measured words, and then carefully chosen moments of when to share sorrow. I remembered the shock, the physical pain, and then the much worse emptiness of feeling like a walking tomb. It changed me forever. I remembered the years of missing the hidden ones, of being misunderstood, of empty and often painful advice, and mostly the ache that was never healed... until four years ago when we adopted, and welcomed another child from our flesh simultaneously. We finally had found joy, received joy, and even more, baby abundance, and I promised I wouldn't be so greedy as to ever expect another life. They are such precious and for us rare gifts. But even still we have hoped, one can always hope.

So with this new chapter and new life it has impressed upon me that being pregnant has made us feel vulnerable in a way nothing else does. Parenthood is something unlike anything else, from it's very beginning. The memories tucked away in the corners of our hearts have become fresh and real as we become willing to hope, to receive, and to be open to joy or sorrow. Pregnancy brings with it a willingness to give up feeling well, fitting clothes, and most especially owning my own heart to a degree, because we make room for another. We begin to sense and know them before anyone else has met them. We welcome this unique someone into ourselves and then we never go back. Even if we never deliver, or hear that precious new cry, that life transforms us. Mothers begin to love their children before they can even visualize their face, they begin to long to hold and care for them when they are hidden. This is something I just didn't understand fully until it happened to me. So we make our best effort to trust God day to day with this pregnancy, doing our best research and following the best nutrition we can, and reminding ourselves all is a gift. Yet despite all our efforts, the night of anticipation was so long. Love makes us willing to be hurt, in this moment and in the future. And we know if we give birth that love will never end until the day they rest with God. So this day we greeted with quiet hope, and the willingness to surrender to any news.

So after all that, or despite it all, we had a simply happy day with simply perfect pictures of a wonderfully healthy baby. We saw a beautifully formed heart, a developing brain, a little baby swirling and waving and very much alive. We were able to share this moment with our nine year old Joseph who has shared more sorrow over lost siblings than we ever wanted for him. We just took it in, the beauty of life, of little fragile, sweet life that for this time we get to embrace.

So we were definitely now able to believe we are pregnant, at 13 weeks, we could tell our little four year olds who pray so hard for a baby. We could count ourselves among the many friends expecting a child, and so rare that is for us. And we could tell our little ones their prayers were answered. When we told them they jumped up and down, and gazed at the picture and kissed Mommy's stomach and beamed with joy. It is a long time for them to wait many months to meet this little one, but they are looking forward to it. And we are so grateful we were willing to be pray, to hope, to be vulnerable, because the greatest joy comes from these special little gifts that we do not take for granted..

Winter Storm and frozen beauty

2011-02-02T21:51:00.000-05:00

The biggest ice storm we've ever seen is upon us. So we were very grateful Dad made it home late from call safely (and even more grateful he didn't have to go back as the ice worsened through the night.) We lost power for a while, but just long enough to have fun for the kids with flashlights and not long enough to chill the house. The power went off after dinner and back on in the middle of the night. Come to think of it, we probably would have scheduled it that way if we could have planned a fun power outage for the kids. Daddy fell asleep reading by the fire, something you can only do in the heart of winter. Then came the morning and we had a warm house and a warm breakfast. The wind really picked up, and it was chilling to watch in a house with many windows.

The road and yard glisten as an ice field.

Joseph spotted a Robin in the tree and was amazed he was out in this weather.

Here he is as he flies away and the kids wave as the only sign of wildlife they spot today.

So today we hunker down in our cocoon and let the wind howl around us. We catch up on school, spelling bee preparations, learning preschool letters and sounds, painting water colors, playing Monopoly, (Mom hasn't played a board game in maybe a year, so I broke down) and the many things that are easy to get behind on in a busy schedule. We celebrated Candlemas inside our warm house instead of the warm Church because of the ice. Our hearts went there, but we stayed and lit our candles and prayed, and sung and began our Novena to Our Lady of Lourdes. We are enjoying some of the many ideas we found here for Candlemas celebrations. The frozen beauty brought us a wonderful day together, even though we missed a long awaited 12 week ultrasound, and celebrating Candlemas at our Church. There was beauty, and a joyful, quiet day that comes only with the very cold of winter. We wait to see if there's a heartbeat, just like we wait patiently for the signs of life in nature outside. We pray that when Spring comes, we will have a little one coming too. So the seasons of nature really sometimes correspond to the hidden seasons of the heart.

Fevers abound so like bears we hibernate

2011-01-25T22:00:00.000-05:00

For January, our little family has had more days with fevers than without. Bummer! First came the walking pneumonia, which gave Joseph a fever for 11 days. Straight through Christmas, poor guy. Then after a short break in came "flu A" which worked it's 104+ degree way through three kids, lasting 3-5 days in the little ones. Big boy got it less thankfully. Now two have a cold, which morphed into ear infections and a few more days of high fevers. Can't wait to be done with fevers and back to ordinary days! We've seen our pediatrician and pharmacy more this month than the whole year combined including well checks. We've had compresses and the little "bell" alternating from nightstand to nightstand so Mom can comfort each one in the night. So here's hoping tomorrow brings some kids on the mend. Maybe we can even skip the almost well, grumpy day that's sandwiched in between sick and well days. :) Okay, probably not. It's been homemade chicken soup, lots of fluids, and extra books. It's been good to remember how blessed we are to have healthy kids overall.

We watched a few movies and a lot of cartoons (a novelty for us) this past month on sick days and the kids declared they were tired of them. That's a bonus that they would rather be read to. I must say that's thanks to a terrific library. (Except Mom gets less laundry done.) Stories curled up all cozy and being quietly present will hopefully bring them a comforting memory someday, since I can still remember fondly my family's kindness toward me when I was sick. I sure hope I was as sweet to them as my little uncomplaining daughter has been to me. Probably, well most undoubtably not... sorry Mom! You're never totally grateful for what you've been given until you become a parent.

Sweet snuggles on cold days

2011-01-15T22:13:00.000-05:00

Johnny and Leesie don't nap anymore, not for about a year now. We often have a quiet time, and the days we forget, Mommy is more frayed by dinner as they ramp up into high energy. But sometimes, especially on these cold days they curl up around the fire with their blankie and fall asleep. I love to see them cozy and happy. So here's Johnny in a little ball, you wouldn't guess he's 4 1/2 by the way he cozies up.

Leesie sleeps like a sweet dear, so fragile and feminine. Here is a picture of her just starting to get over a fever. She was so wiped out, but when Johnny was missing her and woke her up she was also so ready to smile.

The first thing she wanted to do when her four day fever broke, was puppy playdough of course. They love to create little wonderful things with their playdough kits.

Hooray I feel better, fever all gone. We hadn't seen that smile for several days. Wow was it wonderful to drink in her happy self.

Gymnastics Class is fun

2011-01-10T11:43:00.000-05:00

Johnny and Leesie started gymnastics class this winter and they are loving it. They get an opportunity to jump, and roll, and walk on the beam, and use the rings and bounce on several different trampolines. It gives them something they really look forward to with winter keeping us inside a lot. Their teacher has four students so she can give them plenty of attention and guidance, and she is very fun and patient. We are especially happy that they are learning how to fall safely, and develop balance and coordination while they are having such a good time.

Cooking+together=fun

2011-01-02T12:01:00.002-05:00

Leesie loves to help in the kitchen with cooking, or setting the table, or just about anything I ask her. She loves to be given her own little tasks to do, from stirring, to cutting soft things to running little errands to the pantry. She always wants to be involved in baking. She was especially happy at Christmas to have Auntie Lora, Auntie Anna, and Grandma to watch and help bake and be with in the kitchen. I was happy to have the gift of time with my sisters and Mom and to enjoy fun catching up and making things together in the kitchen. The gift of good food, time together, and sharing our lives are special recipes for a happy Christmas memories.

Christmas Joy

2010-12-27T22:53:00.001-05:00

Christmas was a time of joy. Joy for us, in things that are visible, and much that is hidden. It was good to pray and prepare, and decorate a tree, and have special gifts for the children. These are so important (and I work really hard on these and thankfully had help wrapping gifts and preparing our home this year). We prepared so we could celebrate and especially to give our children joy, and the knowledge of how to celebrate. The home is full of music and good food, and beautiful decorations. Jesus appears on Christmas morning, the infant we've longed for in the creche. But for us as parents, Christmas is enjoyed through our children's joy, and also so much more hidden in things of the heart. There are things we couldn't really put into words on this day, but things we felt keenly. The real gifts were to be found in more than the stockings.

We are in a home, our own home this year, and one we really like. We are moved in, it looks like our home, and we have room for others. Bill feels well and good, which he didn't for a long, long time last year. He's in a good fitness regime, and eating well and getting sleep and it all has mattered. I've felt good, and the kids have been healthy and happy. My family was able to come many miles to spend Christmas with us. My parents are well, and happy, and strong in their faith. We have friends, not to many, but enough to fill the heart. We have a wonderful Church, a vibrant community with a witness of Christian love and goodness in families we know. We know so many joyful, heroic parents who love their families so well. It fills us up. During this economy we've had a good job, when so many around us are struggling to provide. God filled that need for us. He filled it so well we can even sometimes be generous. My husband is competent at what he does, and sometimes, he even enjoys it. :) These too are things we are grateful for. These things that can't be put in a stocking, but fill the heart and would leave a wound were they absent. This is the time I pause and see God with us, Emmanuel. He's present in so many little things, in our family who truly believes and we knew through prayer He is with us.

Then something extra happened, there's this extra little gift that came right from heaven. Just before Christmas I learned that we had conceived a little person. I had finally given up on this little hope, but our children I must admit have prayed in earnest for a baby. We feel like Zacheriah and Elizabeth who are amazed at God. So for Christmas, Mom was tired, and battling some nausea (trying to hide it from the kids for a few more weeks) but happy and strangely without ambition or concern about the many things that I usually enjoy doing. (Or to be honest even overdoing-hosting, cooking, etc. ) I told Bill our news, and my family, but not the kids. We were reminded in the mass that Christmas was in a stable, in a dirty, smelly stable Emmanuel came to be with us. The mud-splashed event of grace, of God intersecting time and eternity, richness and poverty, and His choosing despite his power to come in weakness. So I found myself feeling bereft of energy, appetite and the usual feeling of wellness that I usually capitalize on and draw from to make Christmas a season of joy. At first trying to force it gave me a Christmas Eve migraine, big mistake. So I had to slow down and be okay with the less than I wanted. We were making room, and making room isn't always easy, but that is love.

The kids had a wonderful Christmas. They were showed with generous gifts from extended family. Everyone kept a comfortable pace, we cooked a lot and the food was very good. We took naps, and rested. Picture taking was minimal, the photographer was often off duty. She was after all growing a person, and keeping down a small bit of food, and pretending that she felt the same. Trying not to anticipate, at all. Just enjoying the day despite feeling yucky.

See for us pregnancy doesn't mean you hold a baby in nine months. Pregnancy means you take one day, in gratitude, and prayer and hope. And maybe if we're blessed we'll still be pregnant at 13 weeks, and share the joy with the kids. And maybe we won't, and the child will go to Our Lord and we will look forward to the day when we will one day see him. But perhaps maybe if we're blessed we'll make it to the end of this journey. I've found the only thing harder than weeping over the loss (after four and buckets of tears) is watching your child weep over the loss, after great expectation. So we'll keep hopes small for a while. My children hope hard, and fall hard in this area. The life lessons of infertility and miscarriage. We don't count chickens before they hatch, and much less brothers or sisters especially before there's an ultrasound and heartbeat recorded. There's enough presents and family and celebration to fill everyone's life for weeks. In the meantime Mom smiles and we appreciate that Christmas is the most beautiful season, it is a gift. And the greatest gifts of all aren't the ones in the stockings.

The Nutcracker

2010-12-15T22:19:00.001-05:00

Attending the local Children's Ballet performance of The Nutcracker was one of the highlights of December. We enjoyed the beauty, the fun and all the hard work, from the front row. Johnny and Annelise were loving their first live ballet performance and have since read and re-read the picture book and acted out scenes at home. It was inspiring to see our friends and other little kids on stage and really made Annelise want to learn ballet. Johnny too would like to be up on stage, pretty much all the time. And everyone dreamed this night of traveling to the land of sweets, of dancing girls and nutcrackers and beautiful music.

Our little dragon

2010-12-14T22:00:00.000-05:00

We found a second hand dragon costume that has been so much fun. Johnny loves to dress in it and have his brother chase him and finally battle him with the sword to the fire breathing end. (He likes to dramatically fall and die as well). Annelise likes to chase him and pretend to tame him, to feed him, to make him her special pet.

Then she decided it looked so fun she would have a go as a dragon too. So there has been endless fun with this little costume and I'm so glad I stumbled upon it. Every home should have a dragon, especially one that is potty trained, polite, and willing to obey simple requests (most of the time). Plus that cute little tail goes back and forth and this costume has a stuffed little bottom that is well-just really adorable.

A Visit with St Nicholas

2010-12-04T17:02:00.002-05:00

We had a St Nicholas party today for Johnny and Annelise to attend. They had a wonderful time.

Meanwhile Joseph went to Scale Olympics at the local college and blew us away by getting the highest honors. "Mom I really am getting tired of playing scales and arpeggios" is now turned into, "Wow I'm glad I put in the hard work, that was fun." I think our piano teacher will be the happiest one of all that this even is done and we can return to beautiful pieces. I am ready for Advent and Christmas music to begin.

Princess Tea Party

2010-12-02T19:48:00.003-05:00

We had a belated 4th birthday party this week for our daughter. She wanted to have a girl's morning with dress up dresses and a tea party to celebrate. So since Auntie Lora was in town to help me get caught up and pull this off, we decided to go full out for a fun girls morning. We invited a few friends from "school" to come for a few hours of feminine, sweet birthday time. The girls came in dresses despite the cold, rainy weather outside to our warm house all decorated for springtime and high tea. They were escorted to the dressing room to the sparkly table put on necklaces and bracelets, hair ribbons or tiaras and sparkly hand lotion, and a princess dress if they needed one.

Then they went into the birthday room decorated with flowers and toile to string their own special bracelet or necklace, and decorate a picture frame. We also did a little face painting of a heart or crown on their cheek or forehead. Then the girls were served as close to "high tea" as I could imitate, offering them restaurant style service for tiny turkey and cream cheese sandwiches or peanut butter and strawberry jam, accompanied by vanilla and strawberry yogurt parfait cups. The cups looked like dessert with a touch of whip cream and strawberries on top. Each girl was offered her food on a crystal platter, and she replied, "Yes thank you" in beautiful fashion with quiet giggles over the formality. They were beaming being served by a Mom in a velvet dress with glitter on her hands too. The girls were offered cinnamon or strawberry tea, but they chose pink lemonade served in pretty pots and with real cups and saucers. There were spring flowers on the table, sparkly glitter, toy jewels, little place-cards with their name, and doilies. The girls loved it and so did I. Joseph and Daddy were gone, and Johnny was allowed to stay dressed as a dragon. When we got to him we said, "I'm sorry sir, this restaurant doesn't serve dragons." The girls giggled and Johnny convinced us all he was worth feeding. He planned to end the morning as a knight but that was forgotten in all the fun.

After lunch the all danced around to soft music like little ballerinas and they danced and swirled with the very long white toile we had decorated around the room. They didn't want to stop, caught up in the freedom of dancing half in this world and half in the world of limitless imagination (with no hint of self consciousness or vanity) as one can only do at a very young age. They were more beautiful and graceful than we even imagined.

We ended with singing and serving a pink chocolate three tiered home-made cake and sending the girls off with hand done bookmarks, a little sparkly crown that said, "You are a daughter of the King", and some sparkly lip gloss and hand lotion. It was such a fun, special day. We wanted each girl (who has at least one brother, and a few were only girls to boy's housholds) to feel feminine, carefree, and happy that she was truly a princess, a girl created for love and beauty and goodness. This was not about making money for disney or barbie (although of course a Belle dress was very welcome) it was about the timeless beauty of feminine childhood and the freedom to be a fairy-tale princess with your friends.

For me it was most of all about celebrating four years of life with our girl, our dream come true, our gift from heaven. I dearly thank God for her life, and remember longing for her, (as we have for so many) and then one beautiful day four years ago holding her in our arms. What a wonderful gift it is to have a daughter. We have limitless glitter on our floors and furniture for the foreseeable future and I've decided I like it that way. Thank you God for our sweet wonderful girls.

A Visit from TIffany and Bryan

2010-11-27T15:48:00.001-05:00

We were so happy to spend a day with Tiffany and Bryan and Kylie over Thanksgiving weekend. We were so fortunate they sacrificed coming down to see us for the whole day and the kids got to play games and talk and be silly and fun. Our kids absolutely loved every moment and they're still talking about it. Johnny wants very much to be like Bryan and has a real affection for him and his love of cars and mechanics. Whenever he takes a car apart he mentions Bryan and wanting to show him. Annelise adores Tiffany and so she was quite elated for this day to come. All the kids have missed her so much (as have I) since she moved so it is really wonderful that we can still see her. She has been an irreplaceable person who made a really exhausting time in our life a lot easier and so much more fun. They truly love her like an Auntie. They really like her sister Kylie too, so they were thrilled to have such a special and fun day.

We got to see some wonderful engagement pictures and even a sneak peak of her wedding dress which is just stunning! She truly will look like a beautiful princess on their special day. Annelise likes to dress up and play "bride" and Johnny is happy to be the groom and marry her. We are excited for them both as they prepare this next year for their wedding and transitioning from college life to their careers. We are very excited for them.

Our favorite buckeye fans!

Fall Beauty

2010-11-05T10:18:00.001-04:00

While in Washington we stayed a couple days with dear friends who very graciously hosted us. It was a gift to see them and catch up with their children who have grown so fast. They are blessed to have a beautiful home and property and we found it was the peak of colors for the autumn season. Having time to "be" instead of doing for a day or so, allowed us to drank in the beauty and pause. A few times a year this happens, where it is so beautiful, and life seems so very good, that one wants time to stop, or at least slow. I couldn't help but grab the camera and try to capture it in my feeble attempt to hold onto the season, the time, and the moment. This beauty helps me to get through the cold, gray, barren days of winter. This time was truly a gift for us. Good friends are pure gift, one we don't take for granted. If we would have stayed longer it would have been hard to return home.

Joseph's first time at a Husky game

2010-10-31T23:00:00.001-04:00

Bill decided to surprise Joseph with tickets to a U of W Husky game as a birthday gift. We parents made up a cheer and announced his surprise to him the morning of the game. That's how he likes it, a surprise, with a little time to take it in and ready himself. We had fun doing it. We met some good friends, Martha and Don, who helped make this possible, and Joseph and Dad went to the game with them. Now the sad news was it was the worst game in 50 years, and that hurt quite a bit. But the boys are dedicated fans, and they got to have the experience of being in the stadium and Dad showing Joseph his alma mater. The one thing about a game like that, it can only get better, and thankfully it has. Go Huskies!

Flying with the family

2010-10-29T23:00:00.000-04:00

We recently flew for 11 days to Seattle area for a conference and a little time to return to our 'homeland'. We waited until the kids were old enough to fly pretty independently out of self preservation. We figured out that traveling with two babies or toddlers was quite exhausting for Mom and Dad, an adventure, but not a relaxing trip. Now traveling with two four year olds is a different experience, so much easier. Our first attempt to board our plane ended after check-in, at the gate where our flight was cancelled due to severe windstorm, closed runways, etc. We could have flown the wrong direction to Atlanta with tornado warnings in the area, and then onto Seattle, but opted to return the next morning for an early more direct flight. It was so good to avoid a turbulent extra long trip.

We then embarked the next day through checkin and security again, and this time the kids weren't disappointed with a return home. We flew to attend a medical conference and hopefully see some dear friends. The kids proved they love to fly, which was very fun for us. No matter to them about packing, security lines, scanners, re-routing for storms, short connects, or any of the hassles parents have to be concerned about. No our kids just simply marvel at the fun of flying high in the air and landing somewhere new. They are happy to peruse the airport with their own suitcase or rolling bag and an adventure awaiting them. They don't mind being given a sear in the back of the plane. They are just thrilled that they will soon be up in the air. If they hadn't been able to do it, we would have missed it. It was fun to see how "big" they all were. We found ourselves with only one car seat, and a booster, no diapers, and no stroller. Our little people seemed so very big as they confidently pulled their little suitcases like seasoned travelers.

I marveled at their joy, and carefree spirit throughout the day. Johnny waved at pilots and smiled and spoke with strangers (albeit all to easily). Leesie tried to walk like a gown up, head high, swinging her arms, but her beaming smile and utter delight at everything around her gave away her very tender age. I was remembering being small myself and doing things for the first time, and wondering why gown-ups were tired, an less carefree, and so serious. At the same time we were inspired by them, and aware of our own meager state, we were patting ourselves on the back at each interval of the day, seeing the kids elated, making it through with no meltdowns or dilemmas. We found ourselves buckling into our seats to greet the morning sunrise in the air with beaming children which was simply breathtaking.

Got Goodness?

2010-10-02T23:26:00.000-04:00

This week I ask myself this every day, if I am being good. That's what I want for my kids, but is it modeled first for them? There is never enough goodness in the world, or in my home. I think that's why all children are so special, they have so much of it. A real childhood is full of it. It's very absence and devaluing within our modern culture creates the vast emptiness that celebrates nothing, the darkness that always turns inward into a wasteland. There are so many people who have nothing to live for, and no one to encourage them. But goodness is essential to the health of the heart, mind and body, and I think everyone yearns for it. We desire it in courtesy, and kindness. When people fail to show it, I am let down. When I can't find it I am sad. When I don't have it I am depressed. Well, somehow in the busyness of getting us settled the past few weeks, it's been so burdening to be doing everything that needs to be done to create an ordered home, that I find I am less present to my kids. It know it. I feel it. At this age they want my attention at every moment, and I can't concentrate for more than a brief time unless they are in bed. I don't want to give them screen time for my need for a break. Sometimes we have a sitter, but that's a drain for Mom on time too. This leads me at times to want to "get away" mentally (while still being here physically) to try to focus on these pressing tasks, and gives them free time to think of crazy things to do. So then when they see they are annoying me, pestering me, or getting into mischief, but they're getting my attention, they keep it up or worse, ramp it up. I guess it's better to have a have a unhappily attentive, annoyed parent's attention, or even a negative consequence, than no attention at all for these brief periods in a three and four year olds mind. When these moments happen, as they have been happening more recently, I am dismayed. Why are my kids behaving more badly I have asked myself? Well it could be the string of broken items, new messes, and new naughty opportunities within a new home is partly normal adjustments, but I think some could also be occurring from busy parents.
Today I could see by someone's beautiful example that I could spend more time affirming in them their goodness, their excitement and wonder more than I have recently. We have a lot going on, and moving in is the biggest distraction to our regular routine. Having a bigger house added another big pack of burdens (the list of handy things to do is quite long). Simplicity, what I long for, is not something I have a lot of at the moment. Without some simplicity, I am not present to what matters most, or rather whom. I was reminded the priorities that matter so much today (unpacking boxes, organizing rooms, setting up school routines, etc.) are not as important as the people I am doing them for. It will certainly not matter the day my children move away, or the day I leave this earth.

I witnessed someone today with so much goodness, and attentive presence toward my children, (and other children), that I was deeply moved. Now,to be fair, she only saw my children for a fraction of the time I do, but her manner was truly kind and wholly absent of any annoyance during some challenging behavior. That's what moved me. I wanted more of what she had. Her presence was so peaceful, providing gentle redirection. Her candle was a bright flame of kindness. Goodness can be effective, and gentle, and strong. Truth, goodness and beauty are the three things we say we seek after in our home. Somehow goodness has for the moment been overlooked by utility, which is not rewarding. So goodness is our theme, it is the sweetness of childhood, the best of what we can be, and the germination of it leads to health and life for the heart. Thank God for people who remind us to be more.

Funny things they say

2010-10-01T23:47:00.000-04:00

Today we were laughing and laughing at all the funny little things Johnny and Leesie say.
One habit we have is when we buy food, I look and make sure a food doesn't have anything hydrogenated in it. It's one of our litmus tests for healthy food. They asked me once what I was checking, and I mentioned this thinking they weren't really listening, as they were tickling each other and teasing each other in their car cart. But they were listening. So now my little ones tried to hand me things like cake mixes at the grocery store (which they're not allowed to do if they want a purchase) and say, "It's good, no hydo-gernated" or many other variances on the word's pronunciation. They recently asked Daddy what is hyrogernated is, and he replied, "it's simply poison for your body." So Leesie was at the store pointing to all sorts of "treats" we don't buy telling everyone around, "they're hydogernated, they're poison, like what the witch gave Snow White"(with great dramatic inflection). Johnny replied, "Yeah, her apple was hydorgonated, right Mommy." I think my face was apple red from laughing.

Then they were up trying on my shoes and Leesie had on my black heels, a basic staple in a Mom's wardrobe. Johnny had on the tan and then the white. Well she looked down at them and stared and frowned and said, "I'm wearing your wicked shoes Mommy. Look at them. Why do you have wicked shoes?" I didn't have an answer right away for that one, but they do have pointed toes. Where that exact thought of hers came from with the low amount of screen time these guys have I'm not sure. I don't think our beautiful picture books have heels on the characters, but I will have to look.

So we rented the Shaggy Dog from the library. Johnny being the funny guy that he is, loved seeing Tim Allen be a dog. So then at dinner he tries to eat his food dog style too, at bath-time he shakes himself off like a dog too, and I think he probably lifted his leg in the bathroom, but I was afraid to ask. He has an amazing ability to take on the characteristics of humorous comical gestures he sees with incredible ease. He loves to be funny, and it's a good thing he really is funny. Sometimes it's hard to get him to be serious. Then while he's doing these gestures, Leesie starts saying, "Order in the court order in the court, did you just growl at the opposing castle?" It's supposed to be "counsel", another line from the movie. What made us laugh is she said it with a thick British accent (not in the movie). We love to have fun with accents around here, but didn't realize she could do it too.

We went to our classical conversations class where the little ones are learning some memory work and the teacher had them play "duck, duck, goose". She referred to the person that walks around and taps people on the head as the "ducker". So the next week she tells them they will play tick-tack-toe (as two large groups they were answering review questions). Well Leesie, the youngest in the class quickly raised her hand and asked, "Can I be the ticker?" So funny! I wish I could remember them all.

Unpacking

2010-09-27T23:40:00.000-04:00

Well our life the past few weeks can be summed up for us in one word: unpacking. Raising children can be summed up by the phrase "the years are short but the days are long". I understand that phrase. It could be adapted for moving. The process is limited but it can feel unending. The days around here trying to get settled have been long. The boxes were tougher to unpack in functional places, at least mentally than to pack. But it is much more rewarding to make a home than dismantle one. Thankfully the kids love to unwrap and unpack. They love to pile up packing paper and jump in it like leaves. They love to play in empty boxes, and they love to discover what has been packed away in this move. It can be an old book, or cup that they no longer read or rarely use but if it's wrapped it is a treasure to be opened. They jump up and down and say, "Thank you God for this cup". I need to remember to hide things and wrap them up on cold winter days and just unwrap them for fun. :)

Our house is beautiful but big. I can honestly say big isn't necessarily better, (for our small family) but it is certainly big. We have more room in every direction, house, yard, ceilings, storage. With that comes more places to care for, clean, organize, and something I hadn't thought of: look for children hiding in. There's more room to spread out and host, and share and more rooms to keep us spread out, or enjoy together, depending on how we use them. We are figuring out how to live in a new space. Mom is working hard to order and create a peaceful space. I have to remind myself to be thankful for a big space, not overwhelmed, but just be thankful. Where are my children? Be thankful. Where is my husband? Be thankful. I can't hear everyone depending on where we are. Be thankful. As the boxes disappear and the home begins to be a place to live rather than a chore to conquer, it will nurture us instead of drain us. We love the new home. We are amazed at how much peace and fun we are already having in it. We love the sunset, and the big yard, and seeing the sky and having a great neighborhood to ride bikes, practice soccer, and run free. We love calling a place our own again. And we are learning how to make this space serve us. Yes we are thankful. Now where are my children???

Small blessings in the moving process

2010-08-13T00:06:00.059-04:00

We are looking forward to caring for our own home. Having to "show" one's house as a renter, the final two weekends of renting while preparing for a move, with small children running around is less than fun. We are dealing with a high stress time dealing with our landlord. To cope with dealing with all the difficulties of present, and well really due to prayer and God's goodness, we found a way to share some things we weren't using with a friend in need. We were so thankful to able to give a table and chairs to a home educating friend who really needed them. This beautiful Catholic family didn't have a table they all fit around or chairs to sit on together, which is just too sad. We know we love the time we can gather around the table together to eat, to talk, and also to learn. The table is for us the center of family life. The great thing about about this and the reason I mention it, (yes I know the right hand should not know what the left hand is doing when we give) is because of God working this out. He did it, we prayed and I was so pleased that this just easily presented itself. This opportunity truly helped us (we weren't needing it or wanting to move it) it helped meet their needs, and just to fill my heart it happened to fit their decor. God orchestrated even the little things and it just reminded me how important it is to be generous, even when it hurts. It reminded me that He sees the little things, and meets all our needs, the need to give and to receive. Thanks to God for the grace to make this work. It is definitely better to give than receive, and meeting someone's actual need is a joy. I needed that bright spot in the week. Now back to packing.

Our new home!

2010-08-10T15:29:00.000-04:00

Today we purchased a home. We have rented for three years and after much prayer, have decided this is a wise decision for our family to own a home here. Then this spring we thoroughly embarked on the process of research and looked for several months and what seemed like endless hours of research into the market. It was both fun and draining to look at dozens of homes in person and hundreds online and at long last finding one we both like that fit all our criteria seems to be a small miracle. So we are thanking the Lord for this gift! After three years of renting from an owner who doesn't care much for his investment, (okay we call him the miser) we look forward to being able to feel like our place is our home, and paint, and nest, and cherish it. We are so fortunate to have thoughtful and conscientious sellers who have provided this home in great condition, they are very warm, and really couldn't have been a better fit for us. We get to have the keys on the feast of St Maximillian Kolbe, on the vigil of the Assumption! So knee deep in packing, planning and organizing and purging, we took this day to sign papers and make this official. Hooray for the privilege of home ownership!!

Sweeping Doubleheader

2010-07-17T14:10:00.000-04:00

Baseball bliss! Joseph was eight for eight this morning in a doubleheader. He has been working on his hitting skills and practicing hard in this extended season. He hit two triples, three doubles, and three singles!!! Poor Daddy had a cold and is hoarse and could only clap today. If he weren't hoarse to start out he would have been by day's end from cheering his boy on. Good job Joseph! During the post game interview, he was all smiles. He credits hard work and a great Dad for his best ever performance today.

Wacky day at VBS

2010-07-16T19:55:00.000-04:00

Joseph had a super fun time attending VBS at the neighbor kids' Church. He especially had fun dressing up for wacky day and mis-matching his clothes. He had on a snappy casual shirt backwards, with a dress tie, swim trunks, soccer shin guards and socks, dress shoes, and his baseball belt. He wore his sister's pink stretch necklace and pink baseball cap to top it off, a true fashion disaster. I noticed he laughed himself all the way to the neighbor's house to catch a ride.

We are preparing for VBS at our Church next week, gathering jungle/circus decorations, figuring out activities, and preparing for the kids. I have noticed the Mom's with the least amount of free time (home educating Mom's with more than a couple kids and often babies or toddlers) are the one's always donating time to help. They care the most, that all the kids will have a great week and a wonderful memory to help form them. So they make the time, and make it happen. So we made time as well, and we're looking forward to a fun week.

The Dino Pool

2010-07-11T22:40:00.002-04:00

How do you cool off when the heat index is about 100 for cheap? (And your neighbors have a large in-ground pool which you now understand why they have invested in.) Well we went for the clearance dino pool from the supermarket for the toddlers and found that even the big guy is quite happy to lay in it (as well as his friends if it's hot enough). The boys splashed and played (the tail squirts water) while sister slept and and then Johnny 'burrito boy' snuggled in the sun like a cat. It was the stuff you want to do when you're all grown up, but somehow is just more awkward and unacceptable. I must admit we live vicariously through our children, or re-live moments like these. A little pool and a lot of imagination is a great thing. We have found a few times each summer Mom and Dad will make time to go down the slip and slide when we think the neighbors aren't looking. After all, the kids need a little direction and a good example, and last time I checked it didn't have a weight limit on it.

Tadpole lessons

2010-07-11T22:24:00.000-04:00

Johnny and Leesie had their first set of swimming lessons without Mom or Dad. They were encouraged to learn to jump, float, blow bubbles, follow instructions, etc. They got to use their noodles and form a noodle train, and learn some basic motions. For a reward for participating the teacher let them go down a gigantic twirling slide at the end of the class period. Well Johnny was the fish, loving the water and being an excellent pupil. He couldn't get enough. For the slide, he earnestly walked up four flights of steps and surprised us all by eagerly going down head first! Joseph and Mommy were stunned, and of course he was delighted.

Annelise got water in her nose the first day, and was scared so she decided she didn't care for her teacher, then cried and sat out of half the lessons. She had a fellow peer in like step also. She finally went in for the whole lesson the final day (on pain of losing privileges, dress up time and some fun baking.) Coincidentally (or maybe not so) the teacher she struggled with sat out that day. So we celebrated everyone learning some skills and had an extra fun day at the splash pad down the street after lessons were completed. With this heat, water in all forms is a welcome comfort.

Conquering the diving board

2010-07-11T22:01:00.000-04:00

Joseph has never liked the idea of going off the diving board. He has refused to his entire life. Out of respect for him, we have tried to persuade him without pushing him (well, that means every possible effort of persuasion known to Mom has been tried.) This summer, Joseph decided he could and would jump off the diving board and he did! Watching him display courage, knowing he really didn't want to, and then realizing he could do it easily was really fun. Joseph did it three times in a row and then was out there cheering on the little kids who were nervous or scared like him saying, "It's so fine, you'll love it." So fine indeed.

Fourth of July

2010-07-05T20:39:00.001-04:00

We had a fun 4th of July, relaxing at a cookout at our friend's home, followed by an outdoor concert and fireworks. We played volleyball, soccer, card games under the trees, and swung in their hammock. Completing the day with fireworks for the first time since Johnny and Leesie's arrival and having Auntie Anna visiting made it extra special. It was a very fun day!

Heroic Grandparents

2010-06-27T23:00:00.002-04:00

Not many grandparents would fly 12 hours to see their grandkids. Well ours did. They flew from Hawaii all night and came for a fun visit to be with us and spend time with the kids. Our kids were (still are) thrilled! They shared stories, played games, learned to play the Ukulele, learned to sing Hawaiian songs, played and made some fun memories getting to know their grandparents better. It was hot and humid, really uncomfortable weather, but we got some baseball, some slip-in-slide, some grilling and relaxing summertime fun. Daddy was home and that was just so good too, to all be together with no defined schedule. We only could have wanted for more time, a sign of a good vacation. We are grateful for such a nice visit.

Bill was eager and happy to share with his Dad the baseball games and how Joseph is learning the fun (and virtues) that come from participating in a team sport. He is so grateful for the time and skills his father gave him as a boy. I could tell he wanted to show his Dad that he was sharing this also with his son. I remember distinctly this year, when Bill was chronically sick, and just going to work each day was really hard. One day he said, "The reason I can push myself to work when I feel this lousy, is because of sports. I learned to push, to drive yourself when you have nothing left, to reach in and find more. I want to give that to my son too. It's an important skill to have in life. " Not having played sports much, and not always understanding my dear husband, and his paternal instincts, I marveled at the good that can come from learning a team skill. (I had to remind myself it is not simply a time and money drain, a life diversion, or an ego filler. We of course know the pitfalls of sports only too well, and thankfully have a very positive little team and positive parents who primarily want the kids to have fun and learn the game. No arguing going on here, even when calls are unfair or other coaches "steal the game". It's about more than all that with these great Dads. We even have a special needs child on our team, who is adorable.) So Bill was quite pleased that Joseph had his best game of the season when Grandpa came to town. Good thing his shirt had no buttons, they would have flown off. Joseph had some fun, but his Dad was more than pleased for him to play well. Seeing your son perform the way you know he is capable of makes Papa proud. He is definitely a coach at heart.

Baseball for Joseph

2010-06-25T23:00:00.002-04:00

We had a mostly rained out baseball season this year. The afternoon showers made the fields too wet to play for many games. So the days that were dry and warm were very special. Joseph worked hard on improving his skills from throwing, hitting, running, to just plain focusing on the game. We try to remember they are eight years old and sometimes it's easy to daydream even during your baseball game. Sometimes the one Joseph caught was the imaginary one rather that the real one. But he steadily improved and learned a lot about concentrating and working as a team, and pushing oneself. Dad has had a lot of fun helping teach him learn the game, doing a little part-time coaching and mentoring. Johnny loves to watch and can't wait to play too.

Joseph lays out his uniform early in the day so we aren't late for games. Well for a Mom who had no brothers to see him lay this out complete with protective underwear and cup on top for his little sister to play with was just too funny. Boys are just great fun!

Thunderstorms-"Hold me Mommy"

2010-06-04T23:00:00.002-04:00

We have had some spectacular thunderstorms this past week. The thunder booms very loud and the lightening shows have been quite impressive. The best part for me as a Mom, is my little ones want to be held, especially Johnny. He wants to sleep with me, to be carried and comforted. Last year he slept all night right on my chest, like a little papoose despite being three, and normally not the hugger of the family. I loved every bit of it. Now this year he still wants to snuggle and loves to "be comforted" when the storms come. There's nothing like a little person running across the room to jump into your arms and hold on tight, and be content to stay there for hours when they normally only want a brief hug. Bring on the storms! Well at least on the days when baseball games aren't scheduled.

Baseball season begins again

2010-06-01T23:00:00.012-04:00

Joseph and Dad are enjoying following their Mariner's team, even when they lose, they're glad to see how they are doing. Baseball is just so fun for them to watch and strategize together. Even more fun and exciting is the beginning of baseball season for Joseph. He's still in coach pitch, but he's improving and his next team will probably be kid pitch. He's practicing his many drills with Dad, stretching and strengthening and his team makes sure he gets to rotate what position he plays. His team is the Reds, and they've begun their first few games. Unfortunately with the rain and thunderstorms this year, a lot of games have already been rained out. But we're looking forward to more! Go Reds!

Toilet is not for toys...

2010-05-30T00:18:00.000-04:00

Well I was about to go read two little people a wonderful fairy tale, turning on our dishwasher when my three year old came up to me and said, "Mommy we fixed the toilet ourselves with the little paper cups." Oh dear. I saw dixie cups and wet hands and asked her to lead me to her workshop. I encountered a near overflowing toilet (in a clean bathroom thankfully) and both of them holding several dixie cups with wet hands. "Why was it broken?" I asked them, knowing it has never been before. "Well, we put the white thing in it." I frantically searched for the favorite plastic beluga whale, and found him resting in the tub. After a few minutes of asking about all the plastic characters in the bathtub, they confessed that they flushed the white "mama" fish. I replied, "Well she's gone and you could have broken the toilet." Our dramatic girl started to cry when she realized mama fish wasn't coming back, and her baby fish would miss her. The mechanical flushing wonder boy, showed me how fishy fits and should flush just fine. We explained "no toys in the toilet". Seems fairly obvious since he's potty trained a couple months ago. So we washed and set a consequence of no story-time with Mom. Then the usual prayers and lots of hugs and tucks and kisses into bed. Then Daddy discovered what they did. As it was not the first silly "lets see what this does" moment this week, he too expressed clearly to his eager adventuresome son that the toilet was the place for experimenting. I couldn't help but remember all the little stories in the Bringing Up Boys books about the things dear boys do and how one day I will cherish these mischievous memories.

The Emergency Room Again...

2010-05-25T00:05:00.002-04:00

Today was the last book club meeting for Joseph at the local library. He sat and discussed the Trumpet of the Swan with his fellow pupils and I caught up with some friends and found books for the kids. On this day I was trying to help my good friend out, by taking her eldest daughter for the day. She is a very sweet, very good girl who happens to be good friends with Joseph. They are two of the nicest children, truly, I have ever known. They are naturally good and kind and love books, and laughing a silly things like Loony Tunes. She was to spend the day with us for a break from her routine and especially her three younger siblings. A fourth due is in about six weeks, and she is a huge help to her Mom, but ready for a fun day-away from them.

So after book club we went to the nearby park, on this 80 degree day, with sandwiches and ice water and some lemonade. The kids ate and had fun playing at this "Castle Park" built of wood with winding areas to hide and pretend. I also found in my exuberance I was watching a couple other kids for a friend in the club who lives a couple blocks from the park as I could see she needed a short nap with her newborn. (We are having a baby boom in our little group of friends, so for the few of us (sometimes it should just be said one of us) who don't get our own, we get opportunities to lend a hand. With so many great kids, I am so happy to do it. I love it. It provides lots of wonderful fun moments to play and share and be with a group of kids, all of which I just love so much).

Over a couple hours of playing the kids were all having a good time, the number of kids had dwindled and we had reached that window when I know we needed to pack it in. So I was wrapping up talking with another Mom and gathering my toddlers when I heard the crying. Sure enough, this dear girl we were hosting for the day, had tried to jump (I would say a safe height, safe move) and somehow caught her foot at the last minute and fell. She landed on her elbow and was in great pain, and of course scared being eight. So that's the last thing her Mom pregnant in her last trimester needed or I intended. When I offered to bring her over for a break from her routine, it wasn't a break in her arm. I carried her to the car, she iced it and we went to the local E.R. Different E.R. from a couple weeks ago, different than last week's urgent care, same routine, much easier being the caregiver.

While we were checking her in the registration nurse stared at me and said, "You're not her Momma, you're here with her doing this, you're a good person." Yeah any decent person would do what I did getting her some care, except see she broke it on my watch. "Not that good" was all I wanted to say, or else, "What do you see all day long." When she could, her Mom met us and they went back together to see the MD. For the next two hours, six children and I played happily in a kids area (thanks to a few well chosen toys and spare change providing water and a few small snacks). I can honestly say we had fun and the kids did great! By the time we were done there were no major meltdowns, despite lost naps, etc. Best of all this little girl returned to us looking pretty good, being okay with her new cast, and her Mom was still talking to me. :) I brought them over a little dinner for the evening (was planning on doing that anyway) and I think maybe, just maybe they will still consider entrusting their children with me. One can hope. I just sit here and thank God for taking a would be very hard day and helping us have a little fun, despite the circumstances. Now I hope to have no more E.R. for us.

Choir Class

2010-05-23T00:52:00.002-04:00

We have had the opportunity to participate in an elementary choir class with an amazing instructor, she is really reminds me of Julie Andrews. Her singing appears very fun and natural and beautiful. This is held at the local college in the Music building. It is a fun journey for us to enter the old brick building, climb the stairs, gaze out the beautiful old windows and imagine the history of all the students before us. We sit "quietly" two three year olds and I, for 45 minutes for instruction. Hmmm, or we try to with coloring books and snuggles from Mom. It's the first time the munchkins can attempt to sit quietly for an activity. They do color also but mostly they listen and they tell me they want to sing too. They have learned some of the songs along with Joseph. Joseph has also taken time to try to teach them. He is very patient and they look up to him.

The funniest thing occurred the other day. It was the final rehearsal before performance and the teacher was working on timing on a tough song called "Chima Chima Ring Ching Ching..." It moves fast and she would call out the rest times for the students to pause appropriately while she played the accompaniment on the piano. So then later when Joseph left rehearsal and was singing the song at home, Annelise surprised us by very authoritatively imitating the teacher's exact gestures swinging her arms up high and calling out "Rest!" at the appropriate places in the music. We all started howling with laughter, when she didn't understand why she was funny at all. So throughout dinner she would continue to call out, "Rest!" very dramatically during our conversations to see if it would still make us laugh. Funny girl. The amazing thing in it was she remembered the correct place in the song to call out the "rest". It's fun now we like to play "choir". Johnny pretends he can sing and Leesie is happy to be in charge. After all she sings all the time and openly talks of becoming an Irish singer. In the meantime she's content to imitate our lovely instructor. What a gift a good teacher is!

The Gift of a Sick Day

2010-05-17T23:00:00.001-04:00

I dislike pain, and sickness, like everyone does. Unlike some I have feared it much of my life like a child fears a bad dream, or darkness at nightfall. Sickness, life threatening disease that devastates, came into my childhood without warning and I had to watch my parents suffer in ways that are almost too painful to look back on. So as an adult I have a healthy fear of sickness, one which I try to cope with faith and trust. I know our days are numbered, are gifts, however short or long they may be. In our extended and immediate we family have never gone very long without someone battling an illness. During our busy days with a young family I like to just push aside the thought of sickness until the days come when it's hard for Mom to function. Luckily they are very few. Then I have to face the fear, ride the tide and get up after being bucked off the horse.

I had that kind of week. A headache unlike any other I've known, a day of being unable to keep anything down, trying to be fine with it and not let my kids be concerned, then the call to the husband and then six hours at the ER, including a CAT scan, and a spinal tap. I felt so weak, so small, and so utterly miserable. I would rather care for others than be the patient, like everyone else. I would rather serve, Mother, pray for, clean, really anything than be in pain and hope, pray and have to check that nothing is really wrong. I hate wondering if something is wrong, and that's why I don't go to the ER for myself. I don't have dangerous leisure pursuits, I am not a risk taker. I like my simple, predictable life when it involves good health and the ability to care for others. So having a day that forced me even if briefly to imagine my health changing, and recognize the fragility of it all was less than a good day. So like my children with their little nightmares running into my room for comfort, I turned inward and prayed hard and trusted (and leaned on my husband). Thankfully, so very thankfully only relief on this day. This very bad day I had good news, and I dragged my feeble self home and then finally tried to sleep. I don't suffer well, was my conclusion. I couldn't wait to feel normal.

Thankfully my sister was here and she generously was available to help, and kindly stayed a few more days to be sure I had some buffer. Our Tiffany, (our wonderful babysitter from last year) was visiting, and that just made me more sad that I missed a fun day by waking up sick. But having help on one of the few days I can't care for my kids, that was so good. So very good. I've since had a bad headache for four more days. Four days to feel weak and small, to practice trusting in new ways, to live moment to moment, to be thankful for.... well everything. I am thankful for the vast number of days getting to be a Mommy and a wife, having fun and feeling good. I am so thankful for my children, my little family, however small a family we may be (it seems like we shrink as our friends are blessed with more). I am thankful for a husband whose vocation is to minister to the sick, as a Catholic physician. I felt so grateful for the goodness and kindness of those who cared for me, (including him) even though I couldn't express it. I could only receive, as is so often the case when we are sick. In the vast sea of ordinary days I am often tempted to be discontent, as I try do things better, to do more, to improve. Now I find it ironic that on the day when I can't do anything, I appreciate everything I've had the way I should have all along. My senses were heightened to all that I take for granted. Laying there getting scanned in pain I took in my life briefly like one does stepping outside of the moment, aware that all is gift and oh so temporary. I was acutely aware that far better women than I were given less time with their dear husband and children. All is gift, never to be taken for granted. I am reminding myself like I do our children, not to fear sickness or bad dreams, but to trust that when they come we will have grace to endure, and afterward the grace to see the gift that our very ordinary, predictable days really are.

Park days

2010-05-11T07:35:00.001-04:00

Springtime Grilling

2010-05-05T07:00:00.003-04:00

Firing up the grill, makes Daddy happy

Helping Mom makes a big girl happy!

Cheeseburgers (grass fed organic beef) grilled Daddy style!

Spring, the weather is balmy, the foliage has arrived all lush and baby green, the days are longer, the yard is full of laughter and the smell of grilling food in the evenings. We love springtime! We love being outside and spring park days and long walks and seeing Daddy smiling over the grill! The kids are counting down for the arrival of the fireflies, baseball season has begun and flowers are blooming. It's a great season.

The qwest to avoid burnout

2010-05-02T09:07:00.000-04:00

As we are moving toward the end of an academic year, I am looking at what is keeping us so busy this month. We have just completed a successful piano Guild presentation(10 pieces) , we have spring choir concerts, the end of Activity Days (Montessori and Good Shepherd Catechesis), finishing up fourth grade, and Joseph is now playing soccer, beginning baseball practice, performing in a spring piano recital, and attending Spring montessori science classes at the park. So the chauffeur hat is on. Mom is completing spring cleaning, overseeing the kids's learning and doing the usual homemaking and teaching little ones to participate and cooperate. We are continuing on the quest for cooking ever healthier home cooked meals (the kind the kids will want to eat and transition for on-the-go events), giving pre-schoolers appropriate activities that fit their changing needs, along with disciplining or redirecting them as they learn to be more independent around the house.

On the looming horizon of each day is trying to fit in good exercise, sleep, and prayer, the golden triangle. I know exercise and sleep are a must for the body, and prayer for the soul, and they all give us strength to live and love well. So this should be no problem, yet somehow it is the toughest to balance these into busy days. The kids, the house, they speak loudly, and they are always in perpetual motion. The golden triangle can be easily swept aside, it often is hard to get to any of these, much less all three. Yet the days I do, and we do, we get twice as much done with more joy. This has been an especially exhausting week and I feel it. Dad is gone for 11 days and Mom has dealt with all three kids with fevers of 103, one trip to Urgent Care (waiting for two hours at bedtime) to treat strep, and a host of other normal life hassles (like the sitter canceling and carpenter ants / bees and a mean Orkin man). So there has been no time to really get to exercise, and we had to miss going to mass on Sunday, which is a real sadness.

So sometimes (like tonight) must remind myself what a good choice this life is when it hurts so much to drop into bed exhausted. These past few weeks are a struggle to make room for basics, along with true leisure, which is important to create culture and avoid burnout. So like a recipe with missing ingredients, my life isn't tasting as good as it could. But like any faithful cook, I will tweak the ingredients until I make it more palatable.

I know this busy season will change, and as I try to rebalance and shuffle obligations I am reminded there are even on the hardest of weeks so many wonderful moments of joy and satisfaction. I do admit I really miss some of the things I used to have time for. But if I added back even some of the leisure pursuits of another season of life, I could never do what my present vocation and situation draws me to. I have to choose, and the choices mean letting go. I think that's what real growing up is, as I age. Learning to let go, of so much, of things you are attached to that you weren't even aware you are attached to. When you are young, you choose how to exercise, at this stage, I am very happy to sit on my bike on a trainer, with a book, just to get exercise. Never mind picking the most fun type of exercise.

I wise friend and I were talking at the park the other day, and musing how the world advertises the unspoken message that you as a woman can "have it all." That can leave women really feeling pulled in many directions and very divided. It's hard to wear many hats well. Plus "having it all" is at least for me sometimes a lure for simply placing ones personal ambitions first, or longing for what others may have and you don't. Often children, or marriages suffer from choices made this way, which in the end causes the women to suffer too. I think in this real world, which is so very short, there just isn't time to pursue "everything" well, at every stage of life. Plus of course, no one really does "have it all" usually least of all those who work the hardest trying to look like they do.

When children are young, they are more demanding than you've dreamed and it's tough to choose full time motherhood in a culture that doesn't promote it as a fulfilling role, much less really respect it. It's even tougher to home educate, although I would say it too is a very rewarding job if you are called to it. We full time homemakers, the non-glamorous, happy, hidden women, have chosen to place little people first, and found great peace in the decision. It is like tending a large garden, it takes time and patience, hard work, good friends, and some divine help. Once in a while there is a need to remind each other what a beautiful choice it is, especially when the days are rough, and the gardener is tired. I know I needed that today. I also know we shall not regret sowing in the gardens of our children's lives, it is never a waste. When they are older, there will be time for more balance, more leisure. And we will miss fun, crazy, hectic moments of little people who demand so much but love so fully in return.

When there's not time to blog...

2010-04-28T23:35:00.010-04:00

When there isn't time to blog, its because days are full, Mom is in demand, and sometimes being and doing is so much more compelling than taking the time to write about what's been done. Yet despite limited time, stopping to pause and to reflect on the chapter and season of our lives, often helps me to clarify my vision and remember the gifts, the challenges of the moments we are given, and the grace present to help us through.

I have struggled with burnout at the end of this gray cold winter and light, lovely spring is just so welcome as a wonderful transformation. Ohio with it's deciduous trees and rolling hills is so beautiful in the spring and fall. This is really important since winter and summer can be so extreme and winter so very desolate at times (especially when you come from a temperate, evergreen climate). So as we drink in the baby green, the beautiful buds and the newfound color, and look forward to the warm seasons ahead.

Happy 4th Birthday Johnny!

2010-04-14T22:33:00.006-04:00

Wow, it's hard to believe it, but Johnny turned four this week! He had a little dino-island cake and party with family, and another play-date with friends. He is still emerging as an amazingly funny person, enjoying making others laugh in any situation. He is also very sensitive and intuitive, reading people so very well. He is our sports guy, or athlete, who could go through life with a bat or ball in his hands all the time. He is enjoying his big boy car bed, his big boy underwear, and all his independence. Yet, he has become this year ever so much more the cozy snuggler, the one who wants to be held, reassured and even carried around like he is much younger (that is at home, Church and often the store or a crowded public place). When we approach a park or play zone he is off and running and eager to see everything and play, play, play. He knows how to show his stuff, he is a performer. We have areas we are working on, like whining, but he is becoming a very fine little fellow, and we are thankful, so thankful to have him as a son. He is like a race car, no slow speed, nothing dull, and always a thrill around the corner. Happy Birthday to our little speeedster.

Easter Joy

2010-04-09T01:59:00.000-04:00

We have had a busy, peaceful, happy, and fun Easter! Both Auntie Lora and Auntie Anna were able to come visit along with Patrick, (an extra treat) and it was a great celebration. Spring has clearly arrived, the buds are blooming, the weather was finally warm, the long winter and lent is finally lifting and we brought out our alleluias that were buried just as nature too was coming alive.
The morning was enhanced by coffee for Mom and Dad, fatigued from the late night before. But the morning was truly full of joy and excitement and the children's faces, were just so, so much fun. They really made us forget we were tired, and feel their own delight in their treats and suprises. They expressed what our hearts felt, joy and happiness, and our bodies were lacking. They loved the gifts in their baskets, and the excitement and celebration of the beautiful Easter liturgy. We loved the beauty, the celebration, and especially being reminded of His coming, and conquering all that can seem dark and final in this world.

Then we came home and ate and had the hunting for eggs inside and out, and the kids could see their sacrifice beans become jelly beans too. We kept reminding the little ones of the reason behind it all: He is risen!!! Death is no longer the victor and heaven was opened. They knew he was crucified on Friday and he had "boo boos" on his hand and feet and sides. There were Alleluias planted around the house to help remind us too. We changed and relaxed in the warm weather. Mom and the little ones napped too, such a gift.
When we awoke a beautiful butterfly came onto the deck and let us almost touch him. We have heard some say they are a symbol of the resurrection, turning from cocoon to a new radiant figure, transformed after their almost deathlike state. So it was fitting to see the first butterfly of spring on Easter day. It is good when creation itself serves to remind us, and help us celebrate the Creator. It is so very good that neither winter nor death shall have the final say. He is risen indeed!

Ireland for a day

2010-03-28T23:04:00.008-04:00

We just experienced Mommy's belated Christmas present. Bill surprised us with tickets to a Celtic Woman concert. We drove to a nearby city and attended an afternoon show, with the kids, and it was wonderful. They are every bit as beautiful, talented and lovely as we had hoped. Plus they were warm and genuine in their dialogue, the very best of being Irish. It was a surprise for the kids, who loved the music as much as Mom. It was like spending the afternoon in Ireland, or at least the part of Ireland we connect with and long for. The beautiful songs of the old country compliment the books we've been reading like Cottage of Bantry Bay, and studying the country and towns of Ireland. Leesie loved the dresses and sang the music. She calls Mairead "Tinkerbell" as she dances and plays the fiddle. Johnny especially likes the drums. It was some beauty that we all could drink into our hearts and help temper the burden of concerns that have worn us down: work, health, politics, economy, finding a place to settle... the weariness of life that is for us and most families and will be with us. Beauty is so good, we definitely need more of it. In a world that is becoming so harsh, so cynical, ugly and shallow, it was good to be away from all of that. The music compliments our faith and our valuing family, goodness, and love. The Irish know how to enjoy beautiful music and dancing. They do not deny the harshness of life, but the old music speaks beyond sorrow to the joy and love that is stronger that endures and conquers. Such a message that has been lost for so long.

It's cute the only time Johnny was sick in the night, he wanted to watch the "Irish princesses" rather than Bob the Builder, or Thomas, or anything else. He watched the whole DVD and was content while Mom slept next to him. Pretty surprising choice for three years old. With their success, we are glad to see a few others finding this beauty good for their hearts as well.

The Future in the Balance

2010-03-20T22:50:00.014-04:00

This has to be one of the most politically upsetting weekends in our lives. Watching betrayal, corruption and the future be destroyed by power hungry socialists. For the sake of the future we pray, and we hope and we watch, and we call our representatives and spread the word. Then we pray and try to hope some more ...for our children to have some future in a relatively stable country with some basic freedoms left.

Then once again, we are shown exactly who is in charge and why we did not vote for him.

The Feast of St Patrick

2010-03-17T23:15:00.004-04:00

We had a beautiful vigil and feast day! We went to our Church's patron's feast for a beautiful liturgy. The first year I couldn't do it with two one year olds, and last year I still couldn't do it alone with two toddlers since one was sick, which was just a bummer. Now they are three and we didn't just attend, it was really fun! Daddy couldn't make it, but we shared it with him. We celebrated with a beautiful mass with Irish music and a solemn procession with bagpipes, torches and drums.The kids loved it! Our children wore their best green Irish dress up clothes, which included green top hats, and we had decorated the house and studied Patrick and Ireland the past few days. It was a beautiful evening, and we had warm weather and clear skies also. Then the children woke up to discover the milk was turned green, along with lemonade, the hand soap dispensers, and the sugar bowl (rarely used but makes Irish tea look a bit mossy) and there were some green marshmallows in their Cheerios.The toilet water somehow was blue but they loved that because then it turned green before their eyes. There were a few green candies left in their Irish hats and under maps of Ireland on Joseph's school table. Joseph said, "Well the leprechauns love that I am studying Ireland."Johnny and Leesie just kept looking around smiling, saying "Look, more green!" A wee bit o' blarney going on around here. We made green cupcakes from scratch, and Irish soda bread, and a had a yummy Irish dinner. We listened to Irish music, especially the beautiful Celtic Woman DVD and the kids were celebrating and singing all day. We printed Irish coloring pages,colored the flag, and reviewed the culture and custums and history of the country. We also studied limericks. It's a nice break during lent, and being accompanied by some warm, sunny weather, it's a little foretaste of Easter. St Patrick, Pray for Us!

An Irish Prayer

May God give you For every storm, a rainbow, For every tear, a smile, For every care, a promise, And a blessing in each trial, For every problem life sends, A faithful friend to share, For every sigh, a sweet song, And an answer for each prayer.

Did we really say that?

2010-03-10T20:19:00.005-05:00

Joseph peeled a big bunch of carrots for a soup. I told him if he peeled extra we would make carrot cake. So he mentioned to his sister, " We peeled carrots so we can make some carrot cake". To which she replied, "I would like to peel some ice cream and we can have some ice cream cake." Joseph found a picture of an animal in a craft book and decided to make a project. " I am crocheting Valentina bear for my friend, she will like it. I like making things for others." Just a few hours earlier it was, "Mom, I am planning to be a spy when I grow up. I hope that is okay with you. I have decoded several cyphers for you to see. Of course I'll be on the CIA, always serving your country fighting the Kodex or KGB".

Annelise keeps putting on her white dress up shimmer dress and saying she wants to be a bride and dancing around the room and singing. The latest quote was, "I am going to go with Anna and marry Patrick and we will have lots of babies, and I will get my milkies and feed them and we will be so happy. I want to have 20 children." Joseph just about split a gut when she said this. Tonight at dinner she said, "Oh everybody I just had my baby and now I have milkies, and the baby is hungry." Joseph laughing, "Mom what do we do with her?" There is such a focus on her maternal capacity that the boys can't help laughing at her. She changes clothes as often as she can, and creates little songs for us, and swirls and twirls and carries her little baby dolls around. She has also been requesting multiple times to get to take a helicopter to beautiful Ireland to see the Irish princesses at the castle (Celtic Woman).

Mommy to Johnny, "Tell the truth, no tall tales." Johnny, "I asbowlutely did. It was twew. Mommy sank you for gittin dat for me. I did like dat. I gonna do it a gin. She no listen to you Mom." "Mom I be good. No I listen, well mostly I did. I be good nuf to get a treat, I like treats. I didn't hit it, okay I did hit it. I like to hit with the swooord. I want to act goofy, I am goofy, I love Goofy. I want to go outside, I want to play wif friends. I not tired, just she is."

Mommy talking to two overexcited three year olds that have morphed into hyper munchkins with no concept of house rules or consequences, or even the awareness that they can be naughty just from the mere ring of the telephone or doorbell? Somehow this happens at least once a day that Mom hears things come out that never used to. "Put that down. Stop running. Climb down. Don't hit her, don't hit him. Don't throw that, don't hang off that, don't squeal, indoor voices, away from the piano with that toy, did you draw on that, did you cut that, no scissors, no running with those, don't spill that, oh no where did the pen come from, no, no honey, please don't kiss my behind, take your face out of the dirt, where did you get that, didn't I tell you no, no eating dirty snow, pull up your pants, not if it falls on the floor, you can't eat that, yucky that is not yours, no knives, leave her bow in her hair, don't put lipgloss there, what is this on the carpet, where is that shoe, don't throw food, what happened to all the socks, how did the hole get in those pants, please tell me if you wet on the floor, no nail polish without Mommy, no water near the computer, did I tell you that was okay, no you can't do that without permission, nothing in the computer, no putting paper in Daddy's iphone, honey I can get it out, it only looks expensive..."

I must say, I never imagined this last few months would be quite like this. It is humbling to see them act this way despite profound efforts to give consistent message each day. Somedays they are like the children you babysit for and think, oh my, I'm not ready to be a parent. They are adorable, wonderful, snuggable, and mischevious, creative, fun loving, sometimes terrible, happy little sometimes crazy people. I hope I can find a way to teach them to listen without putting them in the corner, confiscating their toys, and sending them to their room. It takes all my creativity to try to match an appropriate consequence with their behavior, to teach them to listen and to get them to want to be good not merely avoid harm. I am afraid to think of the teenage years at the moment. :) I am finally understanding what Bill Cosby was talking about. .

Cold Days, Warm Fireplace

2010-03-06T22:33:00.005-05:00

We've been having silly fun being cooped up inside with the cold weather the past few weeks. Johnny and Annelise are learning their letters, and drinking in beautiful stories and picture books, nursery rhymes and fairy tales. They like to color now and connect dots and cut and make crafts. We pretended to make some Johnny soup and acted out picture books with dress up time. Daddy has had some fun playing on the floor with the kids too. We've made play dates for board games, attended book club, choir practice, baseball hitting camp, and our make-up Valentine's party. One of the biggest surprises was getting a working fireplace before winter is over! (The doors won't be in for a while so we can't have it on all the time). Mom and Dad enjoy cozy evenings around the fire when the little ones are sleeping. It's good to be warm.

Catholic Women's Conference

2010-02-27T22:00:00.003-05:00

I was so inspired by the Catholic Women's Conference I attended today. It was just so good for the heart, good for the soul to be reminded how to live better, to be encouraged in how to be better, and be inspired to want to give more of myself to God and to my family. It was a time to laugh, to cry and to ponder what is most important. I felt inspired and convicted and renewed to try again and not be dismayed. To move on from the losses and look beyond the moment. It was good it came during lent, this time when it is easy to feel weak and small and weary. The wonderful speakers reminded us of God's goodness, His love and His mercy as the source of life and joy to the heart. When a Mother's heart is full, the family feels this love, by her presence, her joy, and her being. Her words will show her heart, and form their minds in goodness, sharing the heart of God. The privilege of being a woman, is a gift I needed to be reminded of. Before the conference I wanted to tell people I "worked in the service industry" because that's how I was feeling: just empty and tired from the journey. Now I feel I am blessed give of myself to my family, and I want to love and form and enjoy them, and not count the cost or regret the spent body. I am reminded pouring out oneself for others is a gift and a privilege, something to cherish not bemoan. Colleen Kelly Mast gave a wonderful talk where she gave the prescription for a Heart Healthy Spiritual Life:

Pray Intimately

Work Diligently

Suffer Courageously

Love Generously

She expounded on this with humor and clarity and it was very beautiful. I am so thankful for the women who live this way, for the fruit of their lives is such a gift to me and the other Moms I know. The gift of a lived example along with the beautiful teaching is so very inspiring and will last far beyond this day.

Joy of an Answered Prayer

2010-02-21T23:00:00.007-05:00

Bill had a patient, a dear woman, who happens to be the sister of a friend of ours. This patient was critically ill for over a year (unfortunately if my sweetheart sees them, they usually are very sick). She was in end stage heart failure. We (along with many others) prayed for God in His mercy to help her, to help her family, by bringing her back from the cliff overlooking the end of this life and relieve her of the burden of this great suffering. We thought she would need a heart transplant as her only hope to life, but instead she did not. This is a story, but it is not ours really to tell, a beautiful story of how God healed her heart, and because God somehow arranged for her to be one of Bill's patients, he was given the grace to witness the transformation. He could see the change and document and record it medically. There were simply no reasonable, rational, medical answers to explain how this occurred. It appears thus far to be pure grace. Here is her story. In the meantime, I saw her today, and almost didn't recognize her. She was looking radiant, healthy, and very happy. The last time I had seen her she was pale, fatigued, and weathering the burden of trying to manage living without cardiac output, wondering at what moment God might call her home. I was also given the privilege of seeing her sister, a lovely friend, who has lost far too many children to the pain of miscarriage, carry to term and today baptize her new beautiful son. These two answers to prayers, given to one family in a very difficult year, brought us much joy. Witnessing life after sadness, hope after traveling through utter darkness, is beautiful to behold. Even if it isn't our story to tell, I thought I could share a glimpse of a page out of their book. God writes these chapters, in His beautiful book of life, and how wonderful it is to witness their amazing goodness. Life is so very precious, and fleeting and so many times prayers are not answered the way we want. When new life comes and disease is banished and the story is better than you prayed for, and you get to see a glimpse of answered prayer face to face in the same moment it is wonderful. I had heard she was doing well, and that this little healthy boy was born, but seeing them together today, and celebrating the baptism, was simply a grace, simply beautiful.

The Icicle House-Wordless Wednesday

2010-02-17T17:17:00.002-05:00

Let it snow, let it snow...oh no...more snow!

2010-02-16T16:26:00.004-05:00

We having snow again! Dad heroically shoveled for three hours to help clear the driveway. Then he checked the weather around the country and asked, "Why exactly are we living here?" Yes Hawaii boy is so tired of winter! Joseph also has been shoveling and the munchkins and Mom have stayed in for a couple days, taking care of the inside work, and baking. We are having amazing icicles forming all around our windows. So we're thankful we don't own this house. It needs some help, and the owner knows about it. It looks like there's more ice damming going on again. There is so much heat escaping off the roof that it looks like our chimney has a fire in it. So one more reason to look for our own little place. Something to note when we find our dream house- must have insulation.

We are pretending the white witch's powers have frozen Narnia, and we are waiting expectantly for Spring, for Aslan, for the long awaited thaw. It's an easy pretend with the giant icicles everywhere we look. Snow ice cream is yummy and hot homemade soup seems to taste even better on these cold evenings.

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T17:14:00.001-05:00

Mommy gave Daddy and the kids a little dog that sings "Sugerpie Honey Bunch, you know that I love you, I can't help myself..." The kids have been dancing around with it and singing the song. It's so cute and I had a coupon that made it almost free. The kids matched for church so I had to catch their bright smiles.

We really don't do much for Valentine's Day, as a couple, feeling like it is a big commercialized day to get men to spend too much on flowers. But seeing the dreary February weather, and lent coming, it is a nice idea for sweeties to remind each other how much they're loved before they get grumpy waiting for Spring to arrive. Plus it's antibiotic season, and I broke down after a long medical day, when I was waiting at the pharmacy for the second dose of antibiotics for my little one. She picked up MRSA in a skin infection in some bug bites in Florida, a few weeks ago, and we haven't been able to stop its spread on her. Although I like a clean house, and I clean often, I feel like I have OCD trying to keep this from spreading from her to her siblings. Whew! Maybe we'll do a post-Valentine's flower run if we get another foot of snow or another sick child! I've notice a few crafts and songs, baking and fun go a long way with the kids (and me) during cold February days. We are looking forward to a re-scheduled party with friends soon too. The happy red and and pink colors help to make everything warm and bright with the crisp white snow falling and the icicles peeking out from all the windows.

Spelling Bee Runner Up

2010-02-12T16:55:00.000-05:00

Joseph took part in his second spelling bee today. This time he competed with the 4th-8th graders in the Northside Homeschool Spelling Bee. He placed 2nd as the runner up for the regional spelling bee, and first in his grade level. We are so proud of him. I am not so proud really because he ranked well, but because he practiced (more last year than the recent months) and because he did his best. Last year he didn't advance because the skill of speaking in front of a crowd, into a microphone, was daunting. He was an excellent speller on paper, but showing it in this new venue was more challenging. He was nervous and uncomfortable and didn't enjoy the day. I wasn't sure if it would be years before the ability to stand in front of a crowd with confidence could occur. So today, to see him do well, approach the microphone with focused confidence, and participate with the older kids, and enjoy himself, at eight years old, that's what made me proud. I love seeing my kids break through a fear or move beyond an area that seems an overwhelming challenge. I think piano performances and sports have helped this a lot. I was so busy today trying to keep my own little ones and other little ones from being a distraction I didn't realize he was in the top 10. Then it quickly became clear he had a chance to win. Unfortunately for "conundrum", he will need to try again next year. It was good to see an eighth grader win, since it was his last year to compete. A fun day and a fun opportunity this was for us. We have a renewed excitement for spelling words around here.

Princess Breakfast for the girls

2010-01-28T23:00:00.002-05:00

Annelise and Mom went to a princess breakfast at the Norwegian Castle in Epcot. This was recommended by a friend and a fun little treat for us both. Annelise has seen the DVDs for Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, but she has been much more immersed in many wonderful stories of castles, knights, princesses and far away imaginative lands. We have shown her some books with Disney princess stories but Mom usually embellishes the story, making the princess even more virtuous and good, concerned with serving others, beyond the usual simplified and superficial story lines. In Mom's version she will meet a prince and they grow fond of each other's goodness and then he asks if he may court her and introduce her to his parents. They live a life of love and goodness toward all. I want to prepare my girl for more than quick shallow romance, and weave in the fact that love grows through time and is sacrifice, and there is no beauty without goodness. That message is often absent in the commercial princess stories, but easy to add. We teach her she is a daughter of the king, the King of Heaven, and that is her true royalty. We all dream of the far away place where evil and sickness are banished and everyone is happy and loving. So then regularly Annelise pretends she is the princess of the "Kingdom of Kindness", and she finds a way to show this by being good and loving in specific ways. Mom found a secondhand princess dress of Disney's Bell (nice because the picture looks the most like Annelise) and so Annelise likes to say she loves Belle. She hasn't seen this DVD, or the other Disney videos, but realizes there are many princesses from all lands, and they are all good, kind, beautiful, and love to think of others. So with that backdrop I felt confident we could enjoy a breakfast where she would meet five princesses dressed up in costume, and transcend them into the many stories in her imagination. I thought my little girl would enjoy being with "big princesses" as much as she does dress up at home with little ones, and I knew I sure would. We let the boys go explore the rest of the park for this one.

We arrived at the castle with Annelise in her lovely dress, walking with graceful steps, greeted by everyone (all day in fact) as "Princess" or "Your Highness". So breakfast was the beginning of a very special and fun day. She arrived at the restaurant and was immediately introduced to Belle in a beautiful dress that matched her own, waiting to spend a few minutes talking just with her. It could have been any princess, but this was her day. She was stunned, and the actress was so beautiful Mom was stunned too, she was truly lovely and gracious and seemed to take joy in Annelise. She talked with her probably for five minutes, then they exchanged hugs, they smiled for the camera, and she gave Annelise a kiss on her cheek. Leesie was beaming and returned a reverent kiss to her too. Then we went to our table to be served breakfast by the lovely Norwegian waitresses who also looked like princesses. They had a hot dish served as well as a buffet and the food was really good. We sat near the special door, where the princesses would come out. Sure enough, part way through the meal, Cinderella arrived. She made her way to each table and greeted everyone, and spent a few minutes with the little girl dressed up. Then she said goodbye and went to the next table. Cinderella was followed by Ariel, Sleeping Beauty, and Jasmine. The ladies were very warm, attentive and kind to all. Annelise didn't know the name of Ariel, or her story, so Ariel told her. It was very sweet to watch them interact. Jasmine was also very kind and Annelise just enjoyed saying hello to her too.

The table next to us had a couple with their grown son who was had Downs Syndrome. He was full of pure youthful innocence, and childhood imagination and he treated both us and the princesses with kindness. His parents were very warm, and told us how their son enjoyed coming to Disney World and meeting the princesses. The princesses were very good with him and also gave him hugs and affirmation just like they did the little girls. I wanted to cry watching. I realized this 25 year old boy had retained the innocence and imagination of my son at 5 (when he 'married' Snow White in a pretend ceremony in our home). I also saw his generous, good and kind parents and remembered my friend telling us they "were chosen" when they realized their child had Downs Syndrome and they considered it a special privilege. I watched the warmth and sacrificial love of these good and kind parents and felt like I was privileged to be sitting next to the true royalty. I wished I could spend more time with them. At the end of breakfast Annelise gave the young man a hug and we all enjoyed running into their family a couple times during the rest of the day as well. It was nice to be in a place where not only imaginative children are important but people with special needs are shown kindness, dignity and understanding.

Relaxing in our Villa

2010-01-27T23:00:00.000-05:00

Preparing for a journey is a lot of work, but when it's done, it's worth it. We had a terrific flight! The kids love to fly, and Mom and Dad, well we love to travel. We are trying to hide the fact that we don't love flying from the kids. Daddy's too big to be comfortable, and Mom sometimes feels air sick so she takes Bonine and promptly becomes loopy. Taking it with sleep deprivation seems to enhance its effect. I guess I'm loopy a lot or the kids are easygoing because they didn't complain. We were happy we landed, and the kids were thrilled to fly since it had been a long time since a trip. We arrived to 80 degree weather and clear bright light. So nice! We carried luggage, golf clubs and two carseats along with toddlers (why is there so much stuff when they're small and we are packing just the necessities, I don't know) and loaded it all into a rental minivan. Thanks to Bill's iphone and a map we found our way around greater Orlando to our villa. I think I prefer a GPS, being directionally impaired and loving my GPS, but the iphone really was the next best thing and fun to use. At first we couldn't find the development at all. So then Bill appeared to look very serious and mentioned we were renting off an internet site, from the "McKlucky's" in Great Britain, and maybe they didn't even really have a villa, maybe we were totally scammed out of our money, and maybe we have nowhere to stay. "You know everytime they take money from us Americans they get 'McLucky'". So I started really laughing saying at least we'd have another funny story to tell. He looked at me very seriously and said, "Honey if it's true, we are not going to tell this one." That somehow made me laugh harder, and then I tried to remember, "Be a good wife". We have just been taken advantage of before by being idealists of good will (which I actually prefer over being a savvy cynical realist sort if I have to choose). So yes we are gullible, but not for the worse this time. Before I laughed too hard, we found our neighborhood, Terra Verde, and breathed a sigh of relief.

So we arrived and the kids clearly enjoyed pretending this villa was our home. We removed all attractive items to a very high place right away after reading the numerous rules and fees for any and all damages, incurred. What a welcome! We ascertained the pool temperature and realized it was too cold even with heat to swim, unless you are from Alaska. The boys liked that they shared a fun sports themed room and Leesie had a Mickey Mouse room to share with Mom for a bit or a brother, as she was falling asleep. There was the large flat screen TV ("Mom why don't we get one of these?"), the sports games in the garage, and the playstation that were all noticed right away too. Mom reminded the kids that fresh air, those special books packed, and exploring this new state was so good for us! I want these tools to be our servants, rather than us theirs, keeping us from spending time together. We didn't come this far to only escape. The only other disappointment was realizing the place needed basic amenities, like hand soap, right away. So we stocked up on some basics and were grateful for a kitchen so we didn't need to eat out constantly. Temporarily I was wishing we had stayed at a resort with meals provided, but I let that wave pass. The privacy, the normalcy and ease of being in a villa was worth the work of making meals.

Unpacking into the bedrooms I encountered the realization that this was the first time the munchkins could sleep in twin beds! Wow, our babies in big kid twin beds! At home it's a toddler bed for Leesie, as of recently, and crib with rail down until Johnny goes on the potty and gets his big toddler bed. Wow, I was taking that in when the tears came. Along with this pleasure at seeing them grow older comes the deep sadness, the reality that our baby days are ending and the desire to have another being unmet is like a cloud that hangs on our hearts. Sometimes it's a storm cloud. In my mind I see more, I ache for more, I dream about more. Yet they remain far away, an unfulfilled desire we are forced to detach from. I think that is part of the story of our life, woven for us, not chosen, but accepted. One nice thing for us being away here, is regrouping to take time to be thankful. We are blessed to know so many wonderful friends, so many wonderful large families, and many of which are now expecting, and we have joy seeing them welcome new ones. We have joy with them. But we also live with the reminder that that the great good of new life, happening again for so many is not happening for us. It never has come easy or often. So when it seems everyone is expecting (except us) and we feel tempted to think that it is almost always and only us, and we shall never have another, it helps to step away, and just be thankful for what or rather who we do have. Our cloud of sadness can serve to keep us looking beyond the present horizon, and remind us that life is a gift. Each little life we do have, in our little family didn't have to be, and perhaps might not have been. Furthermore, we are physically well and so are our wonderful little ones, and able to take a vacation and in fact really, really need one, a happy one too. So the tears are passed and the sun streams through the big windows of this villa and we are happy to have time, to be, to appreciate everything and to enjoy being together as a family.

Leaving Winter: Going to Florida

2010-01-25T17:09:00.001-05:00

We are taking our first "real" vacation in four years. The last time we were away together, relaxing, in Arizona, we were given the wonderful news that we were chosen to be the adoptive parents for our little son Johnny. It was absolutely joyous and such a wonderful, special time for us. Such an answer to years of longing, aching for another child, and such a privilege that someone was willing to entrust their little life to us. Then we found out we were pregnant, and had a very busy year, bursting with life, then a cross country move, a fellowship, learning to be parents of basically twins, etc. So we've aged a decade in a few short years, but have loved the tiring yet wonderful adventure. Now here we are with our two babies who are now toddlers emerging into big kids who can go on the potty, speak sentences and sleep well. So we are finally able to take a vacation! The real hope was to go to Hawaii. The 12 hours on the plane with two three year olds after the last tiring six months make that an impossible feat for the moment. So we are settling with greater Orlando, a short flight away and much less expensive than Naples. We decided to rent a villa, and after MUCH research found a large one for cheap, and are staying in Kissimmee near DisneyWorld. We're not huge Disney people, but we really like classic Disney and cultivating the imagination with tons of fairy tales, picture books and dress up. So we will venture to the parks for a few days and to some local places, and mostly relax and enjoy being away from our daily schedule and responsibilities. We just are ready to leave the gray cold of winter and remember Spring and maybe even a little summer.

Winter Piano Recital

2010-01-23T23:17:00.002-05:00

We are so proud of our young musician! He played with such feeling and no distraction. Way to go, Joseph. (You can easily turn off the playlist music by pushing the pause button at the bottom of this page)

Looking forward to vacation

2010-01-19T22:18:00.004-05:00

We get to go on vacation in less than a week! We get to "leave winter and go to summer" as I tell the kids. We are staying in a rental home near Orlando for almost two weeks. We haven't done a vacation since before the munchkins arrived, and we are really looking forward to getting away from our routine, and especially the cold and gray winter of Ohio. We want warmth, light, sleep, exercise, prayer (not in that order) and hopefully no problems to solve. My sweetie is not a doctor on vacation. I'm so glad we aren't in a resort or squeezed into a hotel having to eat out. Having our own space is as great as we could hope for, making simple healthy meals, and off peak meant a really great deal as well. Now only if we could skip the packing, the preparing, and the to do's to get us there smoothly. I guess that's like a baby without labor, or a wedding without planning, it just doesn't happen, not possible. We have one child with a little cold and fever and hopefully we can get that gone and keep everyone healthy too.

I didn't realize there was so much to see and do around Disney World. It started reminding me of the Smithsonian, could be overwhelming. We're doing some quick research of the area to decide what to do while still relaxing and enjoying not having to be anywhere. Joseph said, "Mom I wish we could wake up and it was Sunday and we were there." I forgot about how as a child, waiting is the hardest thing. Now as a parent, getting everything done and coordinating the details is the hard thing. Things you are blissfully unaware of as a child. I just smiled and said, "me too!"

Praying for Haiti

2010-01-16T23:00:00.001-05:00

The children and I are praying for Haiti while Daddy works late. Their suffering is just constantly on my heart. Everything I used to think was hard, I can only laugh with embarrassment over. My life is so, so easy compared with real, true suffering. I am trying to teach the children to pray without carrying more than they are able. So after spontaneous prayers during the day, at bedtime, we curled up and prayed the rosary in their room, all snuggled in, just for Haiti. I just wanted to hold everyone close while Daddy was at work. Annelise said, "Are they sad, do they have diamonds? (tears)" "Yes, Leesie, they have lots, and lots of diamonds. They are sad, and they love our prayers." We give, we pray, and we cry for them. I shudder to think without modern means of travel what would be happening to them. It would be even worse than this nightmare they are living. I can't imagine it worse. So we pray and remember to take nothing for granted, life is short, and everything is a gift, a gift to share with others in need. Lord bless and have mercy on the suffering souls in Haiti.

Anna and Patrick

2010-01-02T23:00:00.000-05:00

We had the pleasure of meeting Anna's sweetheart Patrick this Christmas. Of course we like him very much! We can see a glimpse of how good God is to bring them together and to witness their growing love for one another. We were delighted to discover that he proposed on Jan 1st, and rejoiced with them in their engagement! They hope to marry this Spring in Madison where they will make their home. What an answer to prayer! We enjoyed very much experiencing their joy and the warmth of their happiness.

Christmas Morning

2009-12-26T22:32:00.002-05:00

Christmas morning snug in front of the tree All these presents "appeared" Christmas Eve and morning because we didn't trust the munchkins not to open them before the big day. Johnny helping Mommy open a gift. All three boys with Mariner hats! Our big boy and our little boy The twin time dollhouse makes the duo pretty happy Helping Auntie Anna open a gift Later in the evening we opened the rest of the gifts, including a fishing pole "Look at dis! I like it it stweches." "Look at what you got Johnny, I can help you with it!"

We had a relaxing and fun Christmas morning. The kids woke up to surprises from St Nick (greatly downplayed but still making an appearance in the stocking area). He brought Joseph some more spyware, Johnny a hoppy ball and construction pieces, and Annelise got a dollhouse. Everyone loved the dollhouse, even Joseph who said, "This is so great! I could help her with it. " Johnny hopped around on the ball with the ball behind him and he hopped once and the ball wasn't under him. As he landed on the floor in disbelief we all laughed with him. He didn't trust the ball for a while.

Johnny and Annelise wanted to help everyone open their presents. They were delighted with the whole process. Joseph wanted to be "santa" and wear the hat and pass out the gifts to each person. We all took turns and enjoyed opening each gift. It tooks a while, but it helped us enjoy the thoughtfulness of each item and see the appreciation each person has for the gift they were given. It was especially fun to see the excitement of the kids. I think it's fair to say, the adults could have just had coffee or tea and watched the kids, enjoying the snow, the music, and the afterglow of Christmas Eve mass and been quite full and content. I know just to see my family and have the kids happy made Mom feel more content than words can express. Anna and Grandpa went to mass and we all took a break and just enjoyed the gifts that were opened. Bill and I were realizing this was the first year in a few without "babies" and how different it was. The kids could play much longer and were really understanding the "birthday of Jesus" more than they ever had before. The first thing they did was find him in the nativity and see that he had arrived. All the work of making advent a time of preparation really made the beginning of these 12 days something very special.

Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T22:01:00.004-05:00

We enjoyed a beautiful Christmas Eve mass with all of my family here. The kids behaved well, and the evening was so beautiful. I am thankful to have my Mom and Dad not only well, but able to share the holiday with us. Lora came from Chicago and Anna flew in from Washington this evening. What a blessing for us all to be together. It has been a very long time. To have the kids big enough to remember this Christmas and yet small enough for it to be full of wonder is great too.

Christmas Pictures

2009-12-15T22:28:00.000-05:00

Today was the day for Christmas pictures. Although I have a good camera, I still thought I needed a little help getting three children to smile with proper lighting so I booked an appointment at the inexpensive portrait studio that caters to kids. I really like getting the pictures when they are small, while the cheeks are still chubby and the dimples so adorable. I find this a bit of an ordeal so I try to set out clothes and try to be ready the night before. I wasn't ready with all the details this morning, and I didn't have any help from TIffany to fall back on, sigh. But I met the challenge, I arose, showered, dressed, hemmed Johnny's pants, ironed two outfits, bathed and dressed two toddlers, dressed one doll, dried and fluffed one girl's hair (very cold outside)) and arrived for a picture appointment with three well groomed children before 10 am. The little kids had pretzels and juicy water in the car for breakfast (rather that hot oatmeal or homemade granola). But they matched, and every detail accounted for except one black bow. Somehow I added to this by overeagerly deciding to curl her doll's hair so it would match hers, resulting in melting the ends and the hair, and adding one quick doll haircut to the morning routine (trying to hide the evidence). Then the doll never even made it to the picture! We had a pretty good experience with the studio, although the photographer gal just rushed us through and didn't know how to engage the kids, she seemed pretty blunted. So I was "Big Brown Bear", "Silly Mommy", "Giant Elephant", and a host of other characters trying to make my kids show their smile at the same time for the camera. I may have kind of shocked her, I just assume Mommy's can be silly and fun and well that's what it's all about, to get a real smile. We got a few pretty good shots, and one CD to take home, and I have Christmas cards that will be ready tomorrow to start and a Christmas letter to write. Now that taking the picture is over, I'm so glad we did it! I'm also so glad I don't have to get up and do that all over again tomorrow. :)

Christmas Lights

2009-12-13T23:34:00.002-05:00

We put up Christmas lights, the whole family. This is the first year we have all done it. Usually I am the lone decorator with my occasional cheer section Joseph. It was so much more fun to have everyone with me, and easier too. The little people pretended to help, Joseph did help, and well my husband's incredible height and long arms are really just amazing during times like this.

Joseph asked my why we put up lights. "Is it to remind us of the Christmas star?"He asked. I told him it is because when we celebrate Christ's birth, the world that was dark, and lost, is now bright, filled with hope, wonder, sparkle and joy. The simplest little things we can do in a material way to brighten our home, and neighborhood, to show our joy, our gratitude and our thankfulness, like the putting up of lights, are an outward sign of the inward joy, anticipation, and gratitude we feel embracing His birth each year. That's not why everyone in our neighborhood puts up lights, but that's why we do. I now wish I had an outdoor nativity scene too. Well I am just marveling at how helpful the "why" questions are. Joseph has me pondering a lot now and I love him for it. Everything must have purpose, to be able to pass it on as something worthy of doing. Somehow lights by their beauty, are easy, they speak for themselves. When creation looks cold and desolate, the warmth of the lights in our neighborhood and yard are such a nurturing comfort.

Relieved with some good news

2009-12-12T22:49:00.006-05:00

Well it was a long week. There has been a looming cloud of concern in our home for quite some time. The day for finding answers was upon us as Bill had his upper and lower scopes this week. Thanks to a lot of well meaning medical personnel and other individuals, we were preparing ourselves for some bad news. I guess to believe the worst helps some prepare, so they aren't taken by surprise. I can't do this, I don't want to waste my emotional energy until I have to. That's easier for me as I am surrounded by young life as a Mother, rather than the reality of disease which you face working in healthcare. I also don't want to bury my head in undue optimism either. Finding the balance is not something I enjoy striving toward. Too many temptations to go down a road I'm not liking. I prepared with a novena and a firm resolution to trust God in ALL things. It is so easy to desire and so much harder to do. We have had a long autumn season. "We" in the fullest sense, as although I wasn't feeling sick myself, I have found in marriage you carry one another's burdens, you empathize, you ache for the pain in the other. In a home with small children you try to eliminate the extra burdens they can unintentionally bring to a tired parent. I have done as much as I possibly can, but the burdens have remained. All I wanted for Christmas or anything else was good news. I reminded myself of how much God loves us all, and that He is our Good News, however brief or difficult this life may be. Yet I also had fully digested the reality that sickness does come. The recent losses of individuals in our community and recently one young Mother in particular to cancer, whose early departure from this world, leaving her young family, had especially pierced my heart. Life is just very precious and fragile, and never to be taken for granted. Our good health is a gift, much like our youth, unnoticed until it departs and it's absence is felt. Just one more reason to long for the place where health and life are impermeable. Well the tests were assigned to us long ago to be done on the feast of the Immaculate Conception. I decided to prepare like a good Catholic by doing my novena. Well, like a lot of tired Moms, I often remembered to pray this simple prayer while falling asleep at night. That simple failure alone left me acutely small and undeserving. I couldn't even complete this simple act of faith very well. So humbled and exhausted we embraced this test. I was surprised to find on the morning of the tests our nurse told us her name was Regina. She was a lovely pregnant woman, and that her very feminine, maternal presence was a comfort to me. Regina means queen, and this day chosen for these tests belonged to the Queen, the Immaculate Conception, the tabernacle for our Lord. Bill informed me next the other nurse was Jessica who went by Jesse. Now she could never have known that we are immersed in learning and doing our Jesse tree in anticipation of Christmas, the celebration of the eternal Good News. So without wanting to look for signs of God's hand, or comfort, I quietly, privately found them. I don't seek after them, it even bothers me to think my faith is so weak that I need to look for them, so I don't. I usually don't share them beyond my family, as they are so easily misunderstood. Yet, I am writing this to remind myself that whenever life is hard, when I am weary and afraid and I lean on this Queen and her Son, the comforts are there. Even in a cold, impersonal, secular University healthcare setting like we were in, God found a little way to remind me He was there. Like the small things I do to let my children know I'm watching over them, these small details only He could arrange. It didn't make me anticipate good news or bad, only reminded me that He was there.

When the highly anticipated and very kind Gastroenterologist came with a positive affirmation of no significant concerns I felt a dam breaking inside, the doors of the room I did not want to pass through were crushed and I just felt relief. The dictionary describes this as being alleviated: (of pain or sorrow) made easier to bear. That's how I felt, in every possible way. Thank you God, that this time, malignancy or serious disease wasn't the burden to lay on our shoulders. We shall keep on eating a healthy diet, trying to manage the stress of a crazy busy profession, and in general doing everything we can to to be healthy in the long term. But I don't have be concerned over that which I can't control, especially a hidden looming sickness. I am also reminded through this day that the little details, the little acts of love I can do as a mother, as a "queen" to those in my home, are indeed so very important. They may remind a person they are loved and come what may, all will be well. At least that's what I hope to do as a Mom. I know I will never grow beyond the need for a good Mother. We had not yet decorated our home or yard for Christmas, and somehow I feel Christmas came early this year. The true meaning, hope in our hearts, gratitude and humble awareness that in our vulnerability we are upheld by a love beyond us. Now I can focus on the Emmanuel and preparing our hearts and home to celebrate Him.

Living for Love as we prepare for Christmas

2009-12-02T23:00:00.001-05:00

Life as a mother with young children requires the ability to juggle different hats: to cook, clean, organize, teach, launder, plan, be a wise consumer, and most importantly also be attentive to little ones with a happy demeanor, being the heart of the home. I have to model what I want to teach and so I get to grow stronger in areas I am weak (like laughing at myself, and detaching from my own plans). I love being able to create a home that is a Domestic Church, a peaceful refuge. As a Catholic mom, Advent and Christmas are wonderful, but also busy and filled with extra responsibility. There are many little sacrifices needed to help create a home that celebrates the liturgical season of Advent and helps our family prepare for Christmas, while respecting that most people around us are "in" the Christmas season, in a way different from us, and will be done by Christmas day in the afternoon. We prefer to prepare slowly our hearts, and then truly celebrate the 12 days of Christmas. It's easy for me some days to feel like it's just a lot of work, holding to our own understanding, choosing how much to celebrate before the twelve days actually begin, and how to save some of the wonderful sparkle and joy for the big feast. If you always celebrate, you never really celebrate, there needs to be a fast to really feast. I love the emptying of ourselves, the preparing so we are ready to receive, but it requires a different mindset then what I see all around. We are vigilant not to give in to the emptiness we see all around. The false holiday, the shopping without true purpose and nothing more season.

I spend extra time trying to plan thoughtful gifts to help spark my children's imagination and help them grow, while reminding them they are loved, without giving in to materialism and overindulgence. The ability to give good gifts is a blessing. The opportunity to teach my kids to think of others and ways to show others they are loved or important is wonderful. My Mom knew how to make Christmas very special, a real celebration, and I have always wanted to pass that along. I also want to pass along the Jesse tree, the O Antiphons, and the beautiful Catholic traditions I didn't have. It is swimming upstream definitely at this time of year. We spent a few days buying and decorating Christmas boxes for needy children so my children could think of giving and others. It was good for them to want to have the gifts they saw, then realize they were not about them, but about others. I am so glad we did it. We also help with the giving tree at our Church, and I try to think of things others could use at this time of year. Sometimes I feel like it is all just a lot of work, to do it well is demanding, and as I told a dear friend, I want to go hide like a squirrel until January. I love to be reminded that the first and most important task is love. Love is the energy, the momentum to prepare us for Christ's birth. The gifts flow from love, the sacrifices come from love, the joy comes from love. The whole season is meaningless without the One who is love, who we desire and celebrate. Our dear Holy Father picked this time now to remind us of this and I am so grateful.

The human being is entrusted with only one task, Benedict XVI says: the task of loving sincerely, authentically and freely. And yet, the Pope admitted in today's general audience in St. Peter's Square, "to learn to love requires a long and demanding journey."

The Holy Father reflected on love and its difficulties today as he considered the teachings of a 12th century monk, William of Saint-Thierry. William authored "The Nature and Dignity of Love." The monk taught that love is the "main energy that moves the human spirit," the Pope explained. "Human nature, in its most profound essence, consists in loving. In a word, only one task is entrusted to every human being: to learn to will the good, to love, sincerely, authentically, freely." Benedict XVI contended, however, that "only at the school of God can this task be accomplished and man can attain the end for which he was created." O Come O Come Emmanuel, our hearts await Your coming, the birth of love.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-27T10:15:00.004-05:00

We had a beautiful, peaceful thanksgiving today. We gave humble thanks to God at mass, and enjoyed our freshest, healthiest holiday dinner ever. Thanks to Auntie Lora's immense help, Mommy was not exhausted and Daddy had a day to rest between two call days. We baked scones with the kids for breakfast, we relaxed and played games, and enjoyed being out of our routine. It was just a terrific day. "I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder." ~Chesterton Thanks to Elizabeth Foss for this and so many gems to ponder.

Annelise is three years old!

2009-11-01T23:04:00.000-05:00

Our baby girl turned three. How can that be? We gave her a homemade princess cake (by request) and she loved being sung to. She was also given a doll who looks like her too. I came across this inexpensively and was amazed at the resemblance. She immediately bonded with her and named her Culina. (Her own original name). She loved her clothes and toys from her Grandparents and Aunties, and Tiffany too. She got a little tin tea set and ballet clothes she is enjoying quite well.

I was thinking back to the night before she was born, I had been thinking and dreaming about our little baby, our miracle after so many losses. I knew she was a girl, I always knew. I dreamed she was feminine and sweet and fun. I dream big, but not as big as God does. Annelise is so much more than anything I ever hoped for. She began this journey into the world in pain, and sad. We were sad and hurting with her. She learned early to cope with pain and suffering and to let us comfort her in it. Much to our amazement this girl now is the joyful one, the happy, sparkly, giggly, sweet, affectionate girl who melts our hearts. She has as a two year old become so secure, confident, and radiant, her shyness is now very rare, usually just for strangers or men, which is okay by me. She is simply a ray of feminine sunshine in our hearts. She can make Daddy melt at any moment (although sometimes he can't let her see it). She has the determination, independence and free spirit I remember having as a child. I wonder that I have never known anyone else who helps me understand myself and grow in just the ways she does. We marvel at her language skills, speaking full sentences quite well, and sharing her thoughts so freely. She speaks so well and is so tall that people mistake her for a child a year older, and even we forget now that she is the baby. Lucky for us Johnny is drinking in every moment of toddlerhood cuteness ("I am litttle!) that she flying through so quickly in her quest to be big ("Leesie can do it"). Today we thank God especially for these three plus years of life, of abundant, joyful, sweet life that we have been given in our little girl.